BlueHairDontCare

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Bluehairdontcare's favorite FMLs

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By offuckingcourse - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 344

You deserved it 20 652

By Anonymous - 10/08/2013 04:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 791

You deserved it 6 098

By mydaughterisdisturbed - 12/08/2013 00:58 - United States - Huntingburg

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 086

You deserved it 5 867

By fsfs - 17/08/2013 16:27 - Germany - Kiel

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 603

You deserved it 5 170

By fartz - 31/08/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 537

You deserved it 8 117

By madden2014 - 19/09/2013 22:23 - United States - Los Gatos

Today, I had to put up with a student who stubbornly insisted that King Solomon was, in fact, a Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 633

You deserved it 3 087

madden2014 tells us more.

madden2014 9

Saturday 21 September 2013 0:53

OP here. For those of you who are curious, I work at a public high school teaching English. The class of interest here was my Advanced Placement English Literature and Composition class (made up of SENIORS). The issue came up because a sample practice objective test I passed out had referenced some biblical stories and a couple of students had questions on it. He still thinks Solomon is in one of his Pokémon games.

By Anonymous - 27/09/2013 20:33 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 058

You deserved it 4 560

By anna - 31/10/2013 18:27 - United States - Hattiesburg

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 402

You deserved it 9 789

Ouch!

By P0wned - 29/09/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 006

You deserved it 5 279

Poetry in politics

By blondie101 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 996

You deserved it 100 515

By Scared - 05/06/2012 00:54 - United States - Arlington

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 676

You deserved it 3 406

By mommabuser - 01/07/2012 15:59

Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 522

You deserved it 28 978

By PokeWife - 06/02/2013 13:38 - United States - Omaha

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon…" and ended the same conversation with "…and that's why we should divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 331

You deserved it 4 532

By cjw - 06/03/2013 00:07 - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 618

You deserved it 4 329

By RedWaters - 06/03/2013 20:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 564

You deserved it 15 920

By ShadowBox - 12/03/2013 16:43 - Netherlands - Herveld

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 665

You deserved it 5 639

ShadowBox tells us more.

ShadowBox 8

Monday 1 July 2013 8:37

I still tend to have weird dreams like these occasionally, except now they're less Romantic-Comedy, more Saw. -_- On the bright side, I did meet someone a few weeks ago ^.^ Nothing official but we're getting there.

By Anna L. - 25/03/2013 00:23 - United States - San Antonio

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed, "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a Dementor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 192

You deserved it 6 594