PHATERTL

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The list of badges to find

Phatertl's favorite FMLs

By vet1 - 11/07/2013 15:18 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 659

You deserved it 7 361

By WTF - 14/07/2013 20:08 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 543

You deserved it 3 893

Uh oh

By awkward - 26/07/2013 18:00 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 273

You deserved it 7 274

By i suck, this i know :( - 26/07/2013 22:11 - Malawi - Blantyre

Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 155

You deserved it 71 772

By secretsmakefriends - 15/10/2013 21:43 - United States - Vashon

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 886

You deserved it 5 193

Go away, lady!

By KatieElizabeth - 27/10/2013 04:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at work, I had a customer accuse me of taking the giftcard I had issued her for her return, after spending 15 minutes trying to fix her screwed up transaction. She began to yell, and follow me around the store. Security had to intervene and I had to be locked in an office until she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 585

You deserved it 2 742

By flavored - 18/11/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 258

You deserved it 19 487

Mutilated

By MissYouPieceOfSkin - 27/11/2013 08:44 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 977

You deserved it 16 736

By Anonymous - 01/08/2014 18:27 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 187

You deserved it 4 911

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 03:02 - New Zealand

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 563

You deserved it 3 228

By crop circle galore - 06/09/2014 02:36 - United States

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 769

You deserved it 3 224

By Anonyme - 26/09/2014 06:56 - France - Saint-di

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 73

By Operation Yewtree here I come - 26/09/2014 20:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 396

You deserved it 4 224

Directions

By jay-frey96 - 02/11/2014 15:36 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 692

You deserved it 14 045

By katnl21 - 08/11/2014 17:37 - Canada - Corner Brook

Today, I swapped out my maternity gown for a regular old t-shirt. My visiting mother-in-law called me a fatass and said I need to lose weight. I'd given birth just 40 hours earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 470

You deserved it 3 264

katnl21 tells us more.

katnl21 4

Sunday 9 November 2014 19:08

It was really offensive for her to say something like that. My mom and grandfather and boyfriend were in the room too, which made it even more humiliating. I didn't know what to say, I was in shock. My boyfriend led her out of the room, so the visit ended right then and there. I haven't seen or spoken to her since, and she hasn't seen her grand child either. I'm still working on an awesome comeback speech, I'm open to suggestions!