kd1373

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About Kd1373

I like your face.

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Work is a 4-letter word

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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100 kick-ass comments

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Who’s the fairest of them all?

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The list of badges to find

Kd1373's favorite FMLs

By Stupendous_ - 03/12/2012 07:17 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 473

You deserved it 2 560

Welcome to the neighborhood

By poopsthegame - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Honolulu

Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 696

You deserved it 1 904

By backtothelaundrettethen - 03/12/2012 11:40 - Germany

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 960

You deserved it 3 885

By Anonymous - 03/12/2012 11:53 - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 130

You deserved it 4 203

By Anonymous - 03/12/2012 17:47 - United States - Richland

Today, I found out what the two girls I sit near to fight about every day: seating. The loser has to sit next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 157

You deserved it 2 241

By Anonymous - 03/12/2012 18:39 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 837

You deserved it 4 499

The judge has made his ruling

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - London

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 4 516

We're sorry

By karmamaybe - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Vermillion

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 255

You deserved it 3 790

By VedaLynn - 03/12/2012 23:01 - United States

Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 055

You deserved it 2 696

By FlyingFist - 04/12/2012 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 167

You deserved it 3 456

By schooyou101 - 04/12/2012 00:53 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 915

You deserved it 3 981

By reedcarter - 04/12/2012 02:14

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 116

You deserved it 2 067

Hair-raising

By Anonymous - 04/12/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I walked into school confident about the new hair color I'd had done over the weekend. My drama teacher apparently dyed her hair the same color; everyone noticed and thought I'd copied her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 747

You deserved it 2 363

By SApprentice - 04/12/2012 07:10 - United States - Harrisonburg

Today, my elbow was having cramps and movement issues as a result of an old set of surgical pins and wires that are being rejected by my body. One painful twitch caused my arm to lock out straight, unintentionally slapping my hand into my co-worker's crotch. Our waiting customers giggled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 000

You deserved it 2 023

SApprentice tells us more.

SApprentice 34

Tuesday 4 December 2012 22:57

My co-worker is one of nicest people I know, he just kind of cringed and grunted, instantly beginning to tell me that it was okay. He knows I've been having trouble with that arm, so he doesn't hold it against me. I did give an apology several times though. The customers, on the other hand, were all fairly immature college kids. It was their laughter that really embarrassed me.

By superminty - 04/12/2012 08:12 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend and I had a disagreement over the pronunciation of the word "train." It turned into a heated debate that lasted all night and ended with us sleeping in separate rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 833

You deserved it 20 765

superminty tells us more.

superminty 18

Tuesday 4 December 2012 17:13

It was "ch-rain" versus "t-rain".

By SweetheartSusie - 04/12/2012 09:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I faced a dilemma. If I don't let the cat sleep in my bedroom, she spends all night howling at the door, waking up my 2-year-old in the process. If I do let her in, the dog gets distressed and chews the contents of the bin. If I let both of them in, I have no room to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 347

You deserved it 6 139

SweetheartSusie tells us more.

SweetheartSusie 20

Wednesday 5 December 2012 10:10

Hey, OP here. For all of those who suggest drowning/bludgeoning/killing my cat, shame on you. I really hope you don't have a pet. For those of you who kindly suggested crating my dog, It's a good suggestion that I will keep in mind. My home is a two bedroom affair, I don't have a spare room to shut them in. My cat is a very nervous kitty, she was a kitten that came from a home with lots of young boys poking and prodding her and prefers the serenity and calmness I give to her. She becomes immensely stressed when I'm nowhere to be found. As for the dog, he is actually my boyfriend's dog and his is a case of boredom. Without the cat to play with during the night, he becomes mischievous and searches for trouble. No matter how well you plan, you'll never get everything and inevitably, there will be something he's shredded. Be it bin contents, washing or, once, the cat litter. Despite the numerous toys he has available. Our bed is a small double, and fitting a dog and a cat into the space barely meant to contain two adults is difficult. Adding a 2-year-old on top of that is a nightmare. For the moment, we're resigned to continue things the way they are. Your friendly OP - SweetheartSusie.

It wasn't me

By Banana - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Puerto Rico

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 348

You deserved it 7 001

By Single - 04/12/2012 16:17 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 082

You deserved it 2 971

By Vassy - 04/12/2012 18:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 674

You deserved it 32 827

By AllegroRubato - 04/12/2012 20:09 - Chile - Santiago

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 358

You deserved it 4 947

AllegroRubato tells us more.

AllegroRubato 16

Wednesday 5 December 2012 13:13

Hey, OP here! So yeah, after the fact, I also figured that she felt inadequate, in an "it's unfair that I don't get to please you" kinda way, but it's confusing because it's not like I didn't ****** at all or anything. The way she reacted, though, was a bit over the top. We haven't been dating for that long, though so I'm confident these are just little bumps that we'll figure out on the march :) Haha, and thank you very much to all the lovely ladies who flatter me with their comments. Sadly, I'm gonna have to (very) regretfully decline for now, since I really, really like my gf--even if she does go crazy from time to time! :D