dswhite85

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San Diego, United States
40 years-old
Sunday 29 December 1985
In a relationship

About Dswhite85

United States Marine

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I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

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100 kick-ass comments

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The list of badges to find

Dswhite85's favorite FMLs

TMI!

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 04:32 - United States

Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 150

You deserved it 2 172

By SamWGovan - 09/12/2012 16:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 067

You deserved it 66 975

SamWGovan tells us more.

SamWGovan 6

Monday 10 December 2012 21:51

Funniest thing was i started laughing uncontrollably afterwards.

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 20:03 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my doctor finally prescribed me some medication for my arthritis. The cap was insanely well-secured, and my hands were too racked with pain to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 537

You deserved it 1 873

Hey… you

By HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE - 09/12/2012 21:52 - United Kingdom - Dagenham

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 217

You deserved it 8 152

WTF dude?

By Bug5992 - 09/12/2012 22:46 - United States - Kent

Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 949

You deserved it 10 333

Defeated

By Aaron - 09/12/2012 23:34 - United States - Matthews

Today, I decided to talk to a girl at the gym I had seen there a lot. I walked up to her at the station she was at and asked her out to dinner sometime. I didn't realize she had been wearing headphones. She took them off and asked if I was waiting on the station. My courage left. I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 739

You deserved it 4 941

By bestnameright - 10/12/2012 03:53 - United States - Washington

Today, I sent in an assignment from my batshit insane teacher. The assignment was to read a poem, analyze it, and make a comic of its plot. This would've been fine if the teacher who assigned it to me didn't teach math. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 594

You deserved it 2 065

bestnameright tells us more.

bestnameright 14

Monday 10 December 2012 21:43

Actually when I told my humanities teacher about the project I learned that my math teacher has a degree in literature or something. 0_0

By hailey - 10/12/2012 05:10 - United States - Bethesda

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 845

You deserved it 6 771

By Alec - 10/12/2012 07:01 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 816

You deserved it 1 927

By Tonguetied0496 - 10/12/2012 07:21 - United States - Claremont

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 903

You deserved it 7 426

By chels - 10/12/2012 07:47 - United States - Youngstown

Today, my boyfriend got done with Marine combat training. The first thing he asked for weren't pictures of me but pictures of his car. Missed you too babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 250

You deserved it 3 391

By LLCK - 10/12/2012 10:13 - United States - Owatonna

Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 599

You deserved it 2 262

By slenderman908 - 10/12/2012 11:41 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I overheard my parents fighting about who has been the most loyal. I found out my Dad has cheated twice, and is still the most faithful of the two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 453

You deserved it 2 029

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 18:09 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 153

You deserved it 44 696

By hnickell93 - 10/12/2012 18:37 - United States - Visalia

Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than let him continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 901

You deserved it 12 885

By satega - 10/12/2012 19:07 - United States - Smithville

Today, my family went on a family trip without me. Their reason for not bringing me? My older sister wanted extra legroom during the drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 190

You deserved it 1 946

satega tells us more.

satega 16

Tuesday 25 June 2013 21:06

Op here. Figured I'd add this tidbit, the ride originally consisted of me, my mother, my sister and my mothers boyfriend. So it really wasn't s family trip at all in ether end.

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 20:41 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 845

You deserved it 16 798

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 22:40 - Sweden - V?ster

Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 609

You deserved it 7 216

By ihncredible - 10/12/2012 23:32 - United States - Macomb

Today, I stepped on the scale and realized that I weigh more than the amount of money that I have in my bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 207

You deserved it 8 085

By MoreActionThanMe - 11/12/2012 00:04 - United States

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 957

You deserved it 2 827