Lunarpanda

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Lunarpanda's favorite FMLs

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 1 935

By thanksforthat - 10/08/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, after selling their car, my parents decided to inform me that my car (that I paid for myself) is now going to be the "Family Car". They also informed me that since it is, after all, my car, I'll still have to pay for the gas and maintenance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 919

You deserved it 4 738

By SoniaLovesYou - 10/08/2012 12:18 - United States

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've been seeing. Apparently he doesn't believe in condoms and took it off without my knowing; I didn't realize until after. When I asked him in horror why he would do such a thing, he said "I love you. I want you to have my child." It had been our second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 492

You deserved it 39 316

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SoniaLovesYou 0

Monday 10 August 2009 5:07

Wish I could say this WAS fake, but sadly it happened. Although it shouldn't matter, I will go ahead and mention that the guy is Mexican and most likely grew up in a culture that generally looks down on contraception; but it doesn't excuse what he did. Thanks to those of you expressing concern; I plan on taking the morning after pill and everything should be fine, but I am still intensely freaked over this. To those of you thinking I deserved it, I'll mention that I DID know the guy previous to this and quite liked him; this was a part of himself that he kept hidden until now. To those calling me a ****: I agree that sex has taken over our culture, especially with regard to young people, but having what I thought was safe sex with someone I knew and liked (and didn't realize was a psychopath!) does not mean that I have no self control. And Ichigoner, you're absolutely right - this guy and the "Be my baby's daddy!" girl would make a perfect couple, and probably end up making that octuplet mom look bad....

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By goin4broke - 07/08/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my parents came to the restaurant I work at as a waiter. After, I picked up the check to realize they had left me a $500 tip! We split the tips among the employees so I only got $50 back but I was still psyched. When I got home they asked me if I had noticed that they used my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 036

You deserved it 6 970

By Anonymous - 07/08/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 840

You deserved it 8 376