laaryssa

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Edmonton, canada
Not specified
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In a relationship

About Laaryssa

I really like netflix and I do tricks with hula hoops.

Laaryssa - Followers

Laaryssa - Followed

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Laaryssa's FML badges

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The list of badges to find

Laaryssa's favorite FMLs

By -_- - 30/08/2013 20:31 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 096

You deserved it 4 087

By Anonymous - 30/08/2013 21:05 - United States - Utica

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 716

You deserved it 3 477

By no life to fuck :/ - 30/08/2013 23:37 - United States - Berkeley

Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 732

You deserved it 6 951

Floored

By smashyonewfloors - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - High River

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 322

You deserved it 2 919

By fartz - 31/08/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 537

You deserved it 8 117

Hello, is me you're looking for?

By Anonymous - 31/08/2013 07:24 - United Kingdom - Woodford Green

Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 170

You deserved it 3 166

By embarrassedmom - 31/08/2013 23:48 - United States

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 373

You deserved it 4 243

THIS DOESN'T FEEL NICE… OHHH

By SplishSplash - 01/09/2013 01:21 - United States

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 674

You deserved it 6 941

Busted

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 05:06 - United States - El Paso

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 754

You deserved it 5 813

Caught in 4K

By happyturtle - 01/09/2013 09:57 - Croatia

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 384

You deserved it 101 696

By NotGabe - 01/09/2013 14:25 - United States - Houston

Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 598

You deserved it 3 537

NotGabe tells us more.

NotGabe 28

Tuesday 3 September 2013 1:53

OP here. Looks like I caused some confusion, so let me clear it up. In the US, the changeable tops of a bottle are called nipples. Basically, a female customer gave my **** a twist.

By LiLGeek - 12/01/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldn’t find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 669

You deserved it 9 228

By TheEnglishOne - 23/01/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 892

You deserved it 8 732

By nicknack22 - 01/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 770

You deserved it 5 964

By misc - 10/02/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 66

TMI Mom

By Grossed out - 14/02/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 475

You deserved it 7 302

By swtkiss1 - 18/02/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 942

You deserved it 58 679

Perfect?

By NeverGonnaGetAny - 23/02/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 821

You deserved it 24 083

Dumb move

By JessP - 26/02/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents' house instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 577

You deserved it 78 415

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 2 006