blakeford

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About Blakeford

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Blakeford's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

Consolation prize

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

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100 kick-ass comments

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I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

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The list of badges to find

Blakeford's favorite FMLs

By jajaja - 01/03/2009 19:45 - Canada

Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked over and said "well at least we dont have to worry about boys for the next two years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 844

You deserved it 4 680

By KAAALIS - 16/03/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739 155

You deserved it 496 194

By DaveAlmighty - 02/07/2009 07:22 - United States

Today, I caught some perverts sitting in a car in front of my house, spying on my neighbors. When they refused to leave, I grabbed a baseball bat and they sped off in a hurry. Later, those same perverts came back to arrest my neighbors for drug trafficking. I had threatened cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 250

You deserved it 12 341

By freylero - 27/10/2009 19:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my son's hamster died. It was overweight and got stuck in its plastic tube. My 6 year old son came downstairs to me smashing a plastic tube with a dead hamster in it on the kitchen table. He thinks I killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 655

You deserved it 5 249

freylero tells us more.

freylero 5

Wednesday 28 October 2009 11:55

Basically, he's had hamsters that have dies before, and we always gave them a funeral... so I didn't want to bury him in a plastic tube so my husband gave me the job of removing the hamster....

Rough

By aarone23 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 332

You deserved it 4 165

By fiendishkitty - 20/09/2011 17:53 - United States

Today, six years after hurricane Katrina took everything from me, I received a letter in the mail from FEMA telling me that I have to repay them the money I received to replace what was lost. I have 30 days to repay $4,900 or the case will be sent into federal debt collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 923

You deserved it 4 114

By 464424 - 05/05/2012 06:24 - United States - Dayton

Today, my little sister came to me crying about how everyone calls her a bad driver. I gave her a pep talk, an encouraging hug, and told her not to listen to negativity. Five minutes later she wrecked my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 501

You deserved it 8 241

By oops - 30/07/2012 00:25 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 256

You deserved it 7 126

Birds aren't real

By difference between birds and mammals. - 03/09/2012 00:10 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching TV and there were penguins laying eggs. He said, "Penguins are mammals, they don't lay eggs." I replied, "Penguins are birds." We fought about it for ages until he realised that I was right, and has since stopped talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 473

You deserved it 2 767

By SadDad - 22/09/2012 18:11 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 407

You deserved it 9 828

Dirty old man

By kat124ever - 07/01/2013 08:35 - United States - Apo

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 935

You deserved it 6 006

By Anonymous - 07/01/2013 21:27 - United States - Foxboro

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 198

You deserved it 7 971

By whateven - 08/01/2013 17:45 - United States - Allentown

Today, my boss "borrowed" my prescription sunglasses off my desk. She crashed her car because they made her dizzy, and thinks I should pay for the damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 573

You deserved it 2 822

Behind closed doors

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Mansfield

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 224

You deserved it 45 194

CONFESS!

By daughter of a gullible cunt - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 333

You deserved it 2 770

By Brooke - 15/01/2013 05:45 - United States - Manteca

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 532

You deserved it 3 567

Bad boys, bad boys

By anonymous - 23/06/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, I found out my dad thinks he's famous because he's been on 'Cops', twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 012

You deserved it 4 118

By Noname - 30/12/2008 16:53 - Australia

Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 022

You deserved it 4 927

By Lou Czar - 07/01/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 795

You deserved it 81 501

By noodle - 21/01/2009 22:36 - United States

Today, my study partner for my biology class didn't go to lecture. Not once has he gone to lecture. I went to almost every lecture. He got better grades than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 124

You deserved it 3 983