nevergetsfirst

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Why would you wanna know?
28 years-old
Friday 28 August 1998
In a relationship

About Nevergetsfirst

I simply enjoy giggling at other peoples misfortunes

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Who’s the fairest of them all?

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One more and it's business time

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The list of badges to find

Nevergetsfirst's favorite FMLs

By Anonymous - 21/01/2012 14:22 - United States

Today, I went to get a nice, relaxing hot stone massage. Instead I got second degree burns on my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 732

You deserved it 4 033

By Dutchee - 23/01/2012 11:27 - Netherlands

Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a pancake. I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment, or if I should have my head examined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 876

You deserved it 7 404

Broke

By Anonymous - 23/01/2012 14:19 - United States

Today, school tuition has taken up so much of my paycheck that the only thing I had to eat for dinner was applesauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 785

You deserved it 3 227

Best buds

By anonymous - 23/01/2012 15:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me we've just been fuck buddies for the entire year we've been "together." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't working up the courage to propose to her on our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 077

You deserved it 5 165

By parental failure - 03/03/2013 17:03 - Canada - Langley

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 104

You deserved it 7 544

It's a match!

By Noname - 30/01/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle said, "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my matchmaker is my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 753

You deserved it 3 356

By Noname - 03/02/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 759

You deserved it 7 818

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 883

You deserved it 18 716

By caroline - 06/02/2009 15:29 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 60

Powerful

By ouchmynose - 18/02/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face onto my knee and breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 313

You deserved it 7 100

Photoshopped

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, when I visited my grandmother at her nursing home, I was looking at pictures she had of all the grandkids. All were normal graduation pictures etc. but mine was a cutout where she made me skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 974

You deserved it 4 056

By Noname - 20/02/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 210

You deserved it 25 136

Devious

By James - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164 444

You deserved it 13 347

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 196

You deserved it 185 727

By LonnyLonnikins - 09/04/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, I went to pick up my sister's wedding cake. It was a nice day, the shop was close, and the cake wasn't too big so I walked. On my way back, I stepped aside for a kid on a bike, tripped over my shoelaces, and dumped my sister's expensive, custom-designed cake. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 421

You deserved it 40 110

Denied!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I swam in a race against all of the girls in the midwest in the hardest, longest, most grueling race you can swim. I won. Happy but so tired I could barely move, I looked up to see my time. I had been disqualified. For flinching. Before the race started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 429

You deserved it 6 740

By pianokiller - 09/05/2009 04:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to his grandfather's funeral. At the reception, his family members insist on hearing me play piano. After getting positive reactions, I dive into one of my favorites, Rustle of Spring. In 2 seconds everyone bursts into tears. That was Papa's favorite too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 306

You deserved it 4 523

By thats_not_good - 28/05/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. 50 min into the tattoo on my back, the artist says "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 126

thats_not_good tells us more.

thats_not_good 0

Sunday 2 May 2010 5:10

The tattoo is on my shoulder blade, and it's a Celtic knot that I drew up myself. The artist was filling in the shading in the knot after finishing the outline when he started filling in an area on the wrong side of the line. He ended up fixing it so the design came out symmetrical, and it looks really good. No regrets and no worries.

By Anonymous - 10/06/2009 13:12 - United States

Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 53

By mk - 20/06/2009 05:47 - Canada

Today, I had a big craving for a popsicle so I went to a convenience store and bought one. On my first bite, my upper lip got stuck to it. I ripped it off and spent the next 10 minutes trying to stop the bleeding from the giant cut I'd put in my lip. It hurt too much to finish the popsicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 444

You deserved it 13 445