littlewifey

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Littlewifey's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

YDI Master

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100 kick-ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

One more and it's business time

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The list of badges to find

Littlewifey's favorite FMLs

By CrappyCar - 14/05/2013 05:29 - United States

Today, I received a notice that if I don't move the abandoned vehicle from outside my house it will be repossessed at my expense. My car isn't abandoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 918

You deserved it 4 249

Scarred a generation

By nbj10 - 31/05/2013 22:42 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 313

You deserved it 15 413

Perfect timing

By Poopalipa - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up late, didn't shave, didn't have time to iron my clothes, didn't eat breakfast, and ran into the office with beads of sweat running down my face. The meeting had been cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 279

You deserved it 3 475

Celebrate!

By holladaddy - 24/02/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announced over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 196

You deserved it 10 381

Baked

By Monty - 01/03/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven, I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was only wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and, um… stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 550

You deserved it 15 626

By PicturePerfect - 02/03/2009 21:33 - Canada

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 1 035

By Dang-ItsDanielle - 07/03/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 388

You deserved it 19 440

Spread the word

By JAY22 - 26/03/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 224 315

You deserved it 35 846

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 22:51 - United States

Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 764

You deserved it 14 400

POLICE! OPEN UP!

By Obee - 14/04/2009 14:05 - Canada

Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 388

You deserved it 27 558

By penguinsfan - 16/05/2009 14:47 - Canada

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 139

You deserved it 53 830

Brain freeze

By Anonymous - 02/06/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 129

You deserved it 47 104

By bloodynose - 27/06/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. My doctor said it was okay to eat, so, I had some mashed potatoes. Apparently, my body disagreed with the doctor, because I threw up. Because my face was so swollen, it didn't make it out my mouth. It went through my nose instead. I literally blew chunks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 574

You deserved it 3 472

chunkynose tells us more.

chunkynose 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 18:17

lol the mashed potatoes I had were kind of chunky, and so after I threw up, there were still bits of it left in my nose. I had to blow my nose to get them out, and so I blew chunks of taters out my nose into the tissue. my mom almost fainted. :)

By BigBallah93 - 05/07/2009 15:23 - China

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 800

You deserved it 55 398

What's that?

By Best-stuf-on-Earth - 12/07/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 373

You deserved it 78 541

By nicefamily - 18/07/2009 12:45 - United States

Today, I found out my driver's license was suspended last year for a DUI ticket that wasn't paid. Apparently, someone had used my identity info to avoid the ticket on their record. The cops showed me the guy's picture taken when he was arrested. It was my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 012

You deserved it 2 616

nicefamily tells us more.

nicefamily 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 13:34

for any interested - my brother didn't have a license because it had already been revoked for DUI's. he blew a 0.24 on 'my' DUI. he was about 40 lbs heavier and 4 inches taller than my license info, so the cops didn't care. i did tell them who he was, but i haven't seen him in years and have no idea where he is or if he's alive or not. i reckon every family has at least one loser to deal with.