emziwie

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Up and coming moderator

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Consolation prize

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Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

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Emziwie's favorite FMLs

By ITguy1982 - 28/05/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 640

You deserved it 60 605

ITguy1982 tells us more.

ITguy1982 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 21:26

Just got back from the hospital. Needed 8 stitches to close everything back up again. I had to postpone the date. Hopefully she'll be willing to wait a few weeks for me to heal up. I now have to put my sack in a plastic zip lock bag when I take a shower in order to prevent the area from getting wet.

Hot stuff

By anonymous - 07/06/2009 06:18 - Korea Republic of

Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked, and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 498

You deserved it 25 732

Too late

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house. It was dark and downpouring so I couldn't see as I was backing out of his driveway. I made it out, but then my phone went off, scaring me, and I accidentally hit the gas pedal, hitting his neighbor's parked car. Turns out he called to warn me to watch out for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 287

You deserved it 7 548

Tales of the unexpected

By Ryuga - 11/06/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 869

You deserved it 5 171

Jogging is bad for you

By Broken - 17/06/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 946

You deserved it 6 766

By feelinblue - 23/06/2009 11:31 - Australia

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 230

You deserved it 4 523

Messenger blues

By jake - 27/06/2009 21:11 - Denmark

Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment. I've been messaging off and on with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop for a bit, just to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was, "So happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 341

You deserved it 63 453

Wait til she hears about the white supremacy behind it!

By published_anthropologist - 23/07/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of eight years explained to me that the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a B.S. in Biology and an M.S. in Anthropology, and I'm working on my Ph.D. She thinks I'm an irrational idiot for telling her she's wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 133

You deserved it 10 187

By lonely - 25/07/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom lamenting the fact that none of my few relationships seem to last longer than 2 months. She asked why and I said, "because I'm paranoid, obsessive compulsive, judgmental, defensive, and stubborn." Instead of encouraging me, she said, "Well, at least you're honest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 616

You deserved it 46 689

Fitness

By mobster - 26/07/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 364

You deserved it 19 711

Nice place you've got here

By Anonymous - 27/07/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, my neighbors were busted for a meth lab in their garage. Yesterday, I signed the mortgage. Welcome to our new neighborhood, kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 117

You deserved it 3 981

By someexplanationrequired - 03/08/2009 17:24 - Canada

Today, I broke my mother's Tiffany lamp from the 1920's. Practically crying, I raced onto the computer to try to find one to order before she comes back in three weeks. The lamp is worth over twelve thousand dollars, and the only way I'm getting one is if I lived 90 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 084

You deserved it 25 891

viola98 tells us more.

viola98 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 5:19

Clarification: I broke the lamp by complete accident. I was vaccuming my living room and I caught the edge of the vaccuum on the end of the coffee table, and the light went crashing to the ground. I did tell my mom, and she was initially upset, but the lamp itself didn't have any sentimental value, making the situation a bit better. It was a vintage lamp she got at an auction in France. Thank you for your concerns and comments, haha, I've learned my lesson.