emziwie

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About Emziwie

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Emziwie - Followers

Emziwie - Followed

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Emziwie's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

100 kick-ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

YDI Master

You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.

Judgmental

You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

A new thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

One more and it's business time

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The list of badges to find

Emziwie's favorite FMLs

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 911

You deserved it 5 109

By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 17:41 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 232

You deserved it 6 732

Phone-blocked

By unamyous - 08/06/2012 13:26 - United States - Canoga Park

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 713

You deserved it 4 180

By me - 08/06/2012 14:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 534

You deserved it 2 725

By SprinklerDodger - 08/06/2012 23:54 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 741

You deserved it 2 430

By Anonymous - 09/06/2012 04:51 - United States - Hernando

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 054

You deserved it 46 488

By UnluckyGroom - 09/06/2012 23:04 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 143

You deserved it 59 767

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 108

You deserved it 5 554

By Anon - 10/06/2012 04:19 - United States

Today, neither of my parents fought for my custody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 921

You deserved it 3 810

By Anonymous - 10/06/2012 06:24 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I used a prank app, where you shake the cell, and it makes the screen looks cracked. I ended up losing my grip on the phone. It went flying, and it is now cracked for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 956

You deserved it 36 678

LEAVE ME ALONE

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 21:10 - United States

Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating, even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 603

You deserved it 2 044

By deli Shoppe - 27/06/2012 04:39 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 387

You deserved it 38 713

By maggie74 - 27/06/2012 04:58 - United States - Enfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a nude picture, he sent it back to me with a mustache on my face from that iPhone app and told me he likes it much better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 875

You deserved it 9 621

By tammy - 27/06/2012 05:05 - United States - Inglewood

Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 167

You deserved it 3 629

By Wubba87 - 27/06/2012 10:32 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I had to have a long and awkward meeting with my boss. It wouldn't have been too awkward though, if I didn't have to avoid staring at her exposed breast whilst she fed her 8 week old baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 656

You deserved it 5 205

Wubba87 tells us more.

Wubba87 12

Thursday 28 June 2012 10:43

Wow, didn't realise this would get so much attention so quickly. Thanks guys! Not suprised that this has stirred a debate on breast feeding as a whole though... To clarify, my boss has recently had a child (duh!) and has therefore been on maternity leave. This is the first time she's come back to work. I actually work in a research lab, and so my boss gathered myself and a few of my coworkers (a doctor and a PhD student) together in an office to discuss the progress of our research since she's been absent. I didn't mind having the meeting, I didn't mind that the kid was there too, and I definitley didn't mind her having to feed the child (nor do I ever mind when any woman has to do this, but especially in this case because she asked us all if it was OK to feed her before doing anything). But I have never had to work so hard on maintaining eye contact in my life! Awkward!

By RatCityChick - 27/06/2012 17:18 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 500

You deserved it 4 901