TheOldWitch

Not specified

0
Followed

0
Followers

6
Badges

16
Comments

920
Visits

1114
Favorites

Winnipeg, Canada
34 years-old
Saturday 08 August 1992
In a relationship

About Theoldwitch

Not specified

Theoldwitch - Followers

Theoldwitch - Followed

Theoldwitch's page visits

Hugged!

Theoldwitch's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

It's in the can!

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Judgmental

You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

100 kick-ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

YDI Master

You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.

The list of badges to find

Theoldwitch's favorite FMLs

By Grindyloo - 05/05/2012 10:06

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 448

You deserved it 2 857

By smart move there - 16/05/2012 16:10 - Ireland - Naas

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 623

You deserved it 5 082

By nick - 18/05/2012 07:22 - United States

Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying, "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 113

You deserved it 2 626

He's fine

By NoMagicMike - 27/06/2012 16:53 - United States - La Crescent

Today, I was assigned to work on a huge project with Michael. Michael refers to himself in the third person, constantly mumbles unintelligibly to himself, doesn't smile, laugh or make eye contact, and refuses to address me directly. I'll be stuck with him for about four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 865

You deserved it 2 357

Mindblowing

By apparantlyStupid - 27/06/2012 23:28 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 336

You deserved it 43 656

Where to now?

By Anonymous - 10/07/2012 05:55 - United States

Today, I was finally leaving my hometown to live in my dream city. Everything was packed, keys were handed in, goodbyes were made. The moment my truck began pulling out to get underway, the guy I'd gotten a room from in my new city called to inform me that he'd decided to rent to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 785

You deserved it 2 230

By Anonymous - 19/08/2012 23:25 - United Kingdom - Kent

Today, after years of bad blood, my husband decided to invite his parents to dinner. After making rude remarks about my pregnancy, his dad eventually muttered that I'm a slut. My husband punched him, his wife called the police, and now I'm all alone while he sits in a jail cell for battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 658

You deserved it 2 017

True, but come on…

By scared to leave the house - 20/08/2012 09:14 - Canada - Williams Lake

Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer… until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 241

You deserved it 2 430

By jenA - 21/08/2012 13:04 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 880

You deserved it 3 004

Who dis? New phone

By Sexting - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 778

You deserved it 9 381

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 17:39 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 690

You deserved it 2 343

By baffled - 22/08/2012 20:36 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I had to slowly explain to my best friend that when babies are born, the umbilical cord is attached to the baby's belly-button, not the mother's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 556

You deserved it 1 869

By WTF - 22/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend confided to me that he has a used condom collection. When I reacted with disgust, he "reassured" me that he only keeps the ones he uses with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 577

You deserved it 3 014

By ihatemondays - 23/08/2012 06:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that it's an hour and 45 minutes quicker to get the bus to work, rather than the train. I've worked there for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 633

You deserved it 14 343

By Rotarius - 23/08/2012 18:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 966

You deserved it 37 071

By Anonymous - 23/08/2012 21:40 - Ireland - Kilkelly

Today, my dad introduced me to my half-sister. He'd only recently found out that he had another daughter by another woman, and had only just met her. She and I have been in the same class in school for the past three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 063

You deserved it 1 696

Who?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I woke up to an angry text from my roommate, asking me to please let her know next time I'm going to have a friend crashing on the couch. I have no idea who she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 670

You deserved it 1 814

By Neurocardiogenic Syncope - 24/08/2012 04:08 - Canada

Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 242

You deserved it 1 998

By chunkymonkey - 24/08/2012 13:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually held onto my love handles while we were having sex. He said they "made it easier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 363

You deserved it 10 361

By alix - 24/08/2012 15:45 - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, my dog was diagnosed with depression. I got him to help with my depression. I guess we can just be miserable together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 344

You deserved it 3 111