TheOldWitch

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Winnipeg, Canada
34 years-old
Saturday 08 August 1992
In a relationship

About Theoldwitch

Not specified

Theoldwitch - Followers

Theoldwitch - Followed

Theoldwitch's page visits

Hugged!

Theoldwitch's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

It's in the can!

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Judgmental

You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

100 kick-ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

YDI Master

You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.

The list of badges to find

Theoldwitch's favorite FMLs

By Dumbfounded - 08/08/2012 23:03 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 420

You deserved it 3 978

By bellabreeze - 09/08/2012 03:29 - United States - Lebanon

Today, my son thought it would be a great idea to spray a whole can of spray tan all over my freshly-painted white bathroom walls as an "experiment". He's 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 158

You deserved it 3 367

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 04:19 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I found one of my mom's old diaries that dated back to my infant days. I couldn't help but read a little. I'm now in great concern over how many times my mom wrote that she wanted to dunk me in the toilet or throw me against a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 642

You deserved it 3 952

By rxcrs3 - 09/08/2012 06:44 - United States

Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 062

You deserved it 2 495

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 10:50 - United States

Today, I found myself actively concerned about what the characters from "Will and Grace" have been doing since the show went off the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 959

You deserved it 17 952

Where on Earth do you work?

By Anonymous - 26/08/2012 23:39 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 445

You deserved it 4 306

By Anonymous - 27/08/2012 02:56 - United States - Riverside

Today, my wife and I got in a 4-hour heated argument, which resulted in her begging for a divorce, and admitting that she cheated on me. This all started with us arguing about the instructions for our new IKEA table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 888

You deserved it 2 486

What a surprise!

By damnit. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 181

You deserved it 2 000

By Betrayed - 27/08/2012 06:11 - United States

Today, I attended my college roommate's wedding. We were best friends for 4 years, but have only talked occasionally since graduation. I was looking forward to meeting her new husband, having heard so much about him during our conversations. Turns out she forgot to mention he's my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 232

You deserved it 2 441

By masterman - 27/08/2012 06:45 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 154

You deserved it 2 956

Paranoid

By StillBetterThanTwilight - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 898

You deserved it 2 671

Hot stuff

By Bethany - 28/08/2012 21:22 - United States - Cable

Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 467

You deserved it 43 210

By Anonymous - 28/08/2012 23:08 - United States - Merrillville

Today, I announced to my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He immediately denied that it was his because "a childhood accident" supposedly left him sterile. He has a child from a previous relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 923

You deserved it 5 885

By SuzyTurquoiseBlu - 29/08/2012 05:32 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, I received a call from my future sister in-law, telling me that she and her future husband had decided to hold their wedding ceremony on my birthday. I was told not to celebrate my birthday, as it would "take away the attention to the true meaning of the day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 204

You deserved it 2 107

SuzyTurquoiseBlu tells us more.

SuzyTurquoiseBlu 25

Thursday 30 August 2012 1:54

Well, they aren't really liked in the family and I think that its both really rude and sad of them to try and piggy-back their special occasions with mine. My sister in-law and her fiancee got engaged in the waiting room while I was in ACTIVE labour with my daughter and got pissed off that everyone wasn't falling over themselves to congratulate them.