BobBurnout

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Kamloops, Canada
43 years-old
Saturday 12 March 1983
Not specified

About Bobburnout

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50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

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You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

One more and it's business time

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The list of badges to find

Bobburnout's favorite FMLs

By stolenbike - 14/06/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 876

You deserved it 3 941

Assface

By bitches. - 15/06/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell, "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said, "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 518

You deserved it 3 455

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 01:23 - Japan

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 491

You deserved it 4 086

Naturewatch

By thelarkscaw - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 352

You deserved it 54 062

By damgoose - 15/06/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, while I was working in the liquor store, I was trying to impress my hot boss by lifting three cases of Grey goose. Turns out I can't, and I'll be working for the next two months of the rest of my summer paying it all back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 863

You deserved it 62 353

Foot in mouth

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my grandpa died. I called my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit, "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 185

You deserved it 26 117

By gabe8 - 15/06/2009 05:42 - Mexico

Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 428

You deserved it 96 312

Skittish

By bronzemedal97 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 101

You deserved it 3 323

So long, grandpa

By fcnk - 18/06/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 346

You deserved it 18 118

Road rage

By Xtine - 23/06/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, while on the road, I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up, and pissing off, several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 628

You deserved it 46 347

Cold reading bullshit merchant

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not, and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bi-curious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 331

You deserved it 3 772

The moment when…

By wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 129

You deserved it 74 134

By Tonya - 28/06/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 295

You deserved it 7 800

By A2 - 28/06/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my mom and dad, and the preview to my "My Sisters Keeper" came on. The trailer started out with "Most babies are accidents..." Right as that line was finished my mom elbowed me and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 000

You deserved it 4 984

By resipsahipsta - 28/06/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I finally cracked the password on my husband's email account. I don't know which is worse: finding out your husband is cheating on you with several people, or finding his password includes his ex-girlfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 245

You deserved it 24 432

Just the tip

By Anonymous - 28/06/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I went into work to waitress on a table of 40 guests. They were my only table for the day and the bill came to over 700 dollars. After they left the busser was cleaning the table and threw out the credit card receipt which had my tip on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 951

You deserved it 4 116

By Anonymous - 28/06/2009 18:44 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike without the seat cover on. I hit a curb wrong and the two metal rods from the skeleton of the seat went through my jeans. I went to the med clinic to then find out that I had to get stitches in my scrotum. There were no male doctors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 443

You deserved it 49 805

By DeniedAgain - 29/06/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I walked into a gas station and saw some $.25 gum. It looked good and I thought I had a quarter in my pocket. I found no change in my pocket once I got to the register, so I pulled out my credit card. The cashier laughed a few seconds later when my card was declined for a piece of gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 325

You deserved it 15 546

Moobs

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 017

You deserved it 54 736

By unluckycounsellor - 30/06/2009 23:26 - Bermuda

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 831

You deserved it 4 833