CanadaIsLAX

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Canadaislax - Followers

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I moderated this!

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You have 50 followers and we quite frankly don't know how you managed it.

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100 kick-ass comments

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Canadaislax's favorite FMLs

Thanks, I guess

By joAnne - 03/03/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 832

You deserved it 4 183

By warp_routine - 31/03/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201 070

You deserved it 13 926

By Anonymous - 14/09/2009 09:41 - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 120

You deserved it 4 386

Sexy surprise

By perfectmoment - 10/10/2009 22:22 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 400

You deserved it 21 365

By squirrel - 09/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I was wearing a shirt that had a picture of a squirrel and acorns with a caption reading "Protect Your Nuts". My dad walked up to me, read my shirt, then punched me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 911

You deserved it 42 527

Busted

By newniece - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 444

You deserved it 2 623

By doesntkissalot - 28/08/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 344

You deserved it 6 085

Bad influence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, my son told his teacher that she "has a nice rack." He's four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 440

You deserved it 12 019

By LoveMyNewBro - 04/01/2011 10:56

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 204

You deserved it 5 944

By Anonymous - 04/02/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 051

You deserved it 7 451

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 557

You deserved it 10 695

You've got a friend

By no one - 21/05/2011 09:07 - United States

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 671

You deserved it 11 424

Not a Bio major

By Anonymous - 27/06/2011 13:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 170

You deserved it 8 148

By lizownsvirgy - 07/07/2011 19:49 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my step brother trying to put his tongue in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 343

You deserved it 5 471

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 565

You deserved it 5 899

By rochellamaya - 02/09/2011 12:47 - Canada

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 357

You deserved it 4 287

By omfgnooo - 09/09/2011 23:22 - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 875

You deserved it 54 948

By FullOfNick - 10/09/2011 07:11 - United States

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 684

You deserved it 35 901

By unicorn - 13/09/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 763

You deserved it 12 916

By Anonymous - 15/09/2011 23:54 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 054

You deserved it 26 675