cyanidexgrimm

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About Cyanidexgrimm

just ask or follow me @xghostxleaderx

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Cyanidexgrimm's favorite FMLs

By Username - 17/05/2012 14:37 - Australia

Today, I was really stressed, so I tried to let it out by crying. It lasted about 30 seconds, and I was making fun of myself the whole time. Even my subconscious thinks I'm pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 797

You deserved it 5 270

By me - 19/05/2012 02:41 - United States - Wyandotte

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 163

You deserved it 5 557

By GothicAngel17 - 19/05/2012 11:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I thought I felt my baby kicking for the first time. After excitedly exclaiming this fact to the few people around me, I involuntarily let out the loudest fart. Not the baby kicking, just gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 716

You deserved it 4 363

GothicAngel17 tells us more.

GothicAngel17 24

Sunday 20 May 2012 3:09

57- well you seem to have quite a good memory, ha. I've gotta say I'm thankful that the morning sickness has subsided so I don't have to drop everything and run for the toilet or for fresh air (except on a Saturday for some reason). Now I'm just gassy it would seem. Oh joy. And forgetful. Speaking of which I just remembered I put eggs on the stove to boil a while ago and forgot about them so now I have to go D:

By Gob - 16/01/2009 14:36 - United States

Today, while waiting for class, I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music. I was wearing headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 333

Couch action

By Mojo_Jojo - 13/06/2009 11:01 - China

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 055

You deserved it 6 713

By notinflammable - 27/06/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 384

You deserved it 128 050

By Curt - 06/09/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 932

You deserved it 9 414

The Three Bears Conundrum

By Madison43097 - 24/09/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 844

You deserved it 2 554

By kissless - 10/10/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend left for a month-long trip with his buddies. I stood near the door waiting for a goodbye kiss. He kissed his xbox goodbye instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 443

You deserved it 5 897

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 08:39 - United States

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 976

You deserved it 25 432

Rise

By Anonymous - 03/02/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I went indoor rock climbing with my uncle and his 5 year-old girl. I'm about halfway up the hardest ascent when my arm cramps up. As I stretched my arm, my cousin yells up at me in her tiny voice, "Prove you're a man and climb that wall!" I fell off. I was emasculated by a 5 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 643

You deserved it 5 775

Thanks for the mental imagery

By Grossed Out - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 851

You deserved it 2 926

By flattened - 10/02/2011 10:58

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 718

You deserved it 8 514

By sickly - 18/02/2011 13:06

Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 567

You deserved it 4 357

By El Stupido - 12/06/2011 13:51 - Australia

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 198

You deserved it 58 468

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 18:45 - United States

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 294

You deserved it 79 771

By Username - 29/07/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 975

You deserved it 6 332

By Stuck - 08/09/2011 10:00 - United States

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 341

You deserved it 67 869

By dmvfail - 15/09/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV for my second attempt to get my license. I did everything perfectly, stayed at the speed limit, did my three-point turn flawlessly, and parked nicely. The lady failed me because I wasn't using the stick shift right. My car doesn't have a stick shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 393

You deserved it 2 981

By TheFlickChick - 17/11/2011 19:35 - United States

Today, I was heading to the beach with my mom following. I went through a yellow light and got a call from her complaining that I had left her. So, I made it a point to stop at the next yellow light. She rear-ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 788

You deserved it 5 387

TheFlickChick tells us more.

TheFlickChick 6

Friday 18 November 2011 14:33

It sucks, but it was an accident, I didn't slam on brakes or anything but it was at the bottom of a little hill, and the van she was driving was much heavier and harder to stop than the mustang she is used to that will stop on a dime.