Noahjordan

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About Noahjordan

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Noahjordan - Followers

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Noahjordan's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You gave a Hug to someone. How cute!

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

YDI Master

You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.

Judgmental

You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

A new thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

The list of badges to find

Noahjordan's favorite FMLs

By Anonymous - 16/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 382

You deserved it 120 580

Nutritional goodness

By homedoggieo - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and was about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuttled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 357

You deserved it 4 138

By pimdala_major - 30/10/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 582

You deserved it 39 874

Blazing Saddles

By Jen - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 014

You deserved it 33 958

By fmlpanda - 29/05/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 893

You deserved it 8 383

By fatty - 03/08/2010 22:37 - United States

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 181

You deserved it 7 432

By ewicsmelly - 29/12/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 765

You deserved it 56 812

By Anonymous - 15/02/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, during dinner, my family had a discussion about the color of poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 699

You deserved it 4 710

By Anonymous - 20/04/2011 07:27 - South Africa

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 123

You deserved it 6 219

By jordeshting - 22/06/2011 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I complimented a girl on her stockings pattern. Turns out she wasn't wearing stockings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 730

You deserved it 8 619

By peonypiney - 03/11/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I spent over 20 minutes trying to convince my daughter that the word she was trying to use was "Back-pack" and not "Back-back". I never convinced her. She is 16 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 366

You deserved it 6 369

peonypiney tells us more.

peonypiney 6

Friday 4 November 2011 1:56

This is my FML. YES, she is extremely blonde and believe it or not, a straight A student. I have never noticed she said it that way before until she had it written down. I've never caught it because we usually say "Book Bag". Her older brother finally convinced her through mockery and laughter.

By ???? - 25/01/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 938

You deserved it 6 689

Impressive

By authorsubmit - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 959

You deserved it 48 147

By ehrmagahd - 19/12/2012 05:17 - United States - Decatur

Today, I was at my job as a cashier when a man called me his "Grocery Slave." I was almost offended, but then I thought about my salary. I am a Grocery Slave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 647

You deserved it 3 857

ehrmagahd tells us more.

ehrmagahd 15

Wednesday 19 December 2012 19:07

Yeah, I live in a town with 4 colleges in it and nearby, so it's very difficult to find a job. I've applied literally EVERYWHERE that I could even remotely be considered for, and this was the only option I had, so I took it, and I'm very grateful for it! Even if people tend to act like idiots towards me

By thoughtidseenitall - 02/02/2013 01:01 - United States - Englewood

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 518

You deserved it 4 037

By O_O - 12/07/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 662

You deserved it 5 831

Hey there!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - San Antonio

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 632

You deserved it 86 960

By CapnCrunchKat - 09/05/2014 06:06 - United States - Dover

Today, my store manager told me I was fired. I'm not sure what's more insulting - that he'd fire me, or that he forgot I haven't worked there in four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 055

You deserved it 3 795

CapnCrunchKat tells us more.

CapnCrunchKat 0

Saturday 10 May 2014 7:51

OP here. I don't have time to reply to every single comment, so here's the answers to all of your questions: 1. I was there because I was shopping. I work retail. Duh. "Store manager". 2. I resigned four months ago, with this manager witnessing. Also, I'm not a "he". Lol.

By Anonymous - 16/08/2014 02:16 - Australia - Notting Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said, "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 992

You deserved it 7 256

By Alisterine - 24/08/2014 17:31 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 256

You deserved it 14 652