The Top

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Rubbing it in

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because he "didn't believe in marriage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 895

You deserved it 4 872

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 352

You deserved it 14 547

By Jer - 15/07/2013 23:36 - United States - Louisville

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 081

You deserved it 48 784

You OK, hun?

By llaurenmariee - 22/03/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say, "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 451

You deserved it 4 250

We need a break

By pst - 21/11/2010 01:06 - South Africa

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 701

You deserved it 59 299

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 231

You deserved it 8 014

By stewardess - 03/10/2014 01:55 - United States

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 049

You deserved it 12 464

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 01:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 593

You deserved it 6 545

July the fourth be with you!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Loveland

Today, during my family's traditional fourth of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 064

You deserved it 3 529

By em from Cali - 28/07/2012 08:07 - United States - Visalia

Today, a homeless lady decided she needed to change underwear in the middle of the sidewalk. I turned around just in time to see her legs in the air with no undies on. I can never eat salami again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 511

You deserved it 2 532

What the hell, guys?

By disgruntled - 26/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 042

You deserved it 280

Romance is definitely dead

By bri_sci94 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Madison

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 015

You deserved it 3 815

By sandyseashells10 - 13/11/2010 06:29 - United States

Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 788

You deserved it 20 708

By WoofWoof - 07/12/2009 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He went quiet, and I heard barking in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 192

You deserved it 5 021

Extorsion time

By Cindy - 05/06/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend’s parents saw me making out with my other boyfriend. They’re now asking me to pay them 300€, or they’ll tell him I’m cheating. They know I’m broke and that if we break up I’ll be homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 3 312

Bad trip

By MrGullible - 17/04/2019 00:00

Today, I found out that not only did I pay for my wife to travel overseas to see her brother but to bang some guy half her age as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 446

You deserved it 205

By Nelga - 03/04/2016 04:37 - Islamic Republic of Iran - Gostar

Today, faced with the problem of my children fighting over which one of them was going to sit in the middle in the car’s back seat, I suggested that they take turns. Now, they’re fighting about who got to sit there the longest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 91

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 17:44 - Netherlands - Haarlem

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 063

You deserved it 5 276

Code pink

By sonofmilf - 17/05/2009 05:46 - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 967

You deserved it 6 420

Traditions suck

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 08:01

Today, I found out the girl who ghosted me a month ago is engaged. Not only is she engaged, but she is in an arranged marriage. And not only is she going to be married, but she still has feelings for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 26/08/2011 17:49 - United States

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 752

You deserved it 6 150

By thisreallyhappened - 15/05/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, a little girl at my work had an accident. She asked me to help her change, and as she was changing she stuck her hand in her vagina to make sure all the "peepee was gone". She then put that same hand on my face to balance herself as she finished changing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 814

You deserved it 3 984

Asshole

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 20:38 - Netherlands - Mierlo

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 156

You deserved it 3 241

By evilparents - 01/11/2010 20:10 - United States

Today, I realized that my parents never ground me as a punishment because I don't get out enough for it to matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 018

You deserved it 5 991

By moon_paw - 28/11/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year-old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 093

You deserved it 10 646

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 22:00

Today, I drove my truck into the garage for a couple of minor repairs. It was returned on a flatbed with a blown engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 859

You deserved it 114

Bigmouth

By XxespoxX - 11/05/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, my dad took me to a Yankees game at the new Yankee Stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I yelled out, "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 054

You deserved it 102 222

Now we know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 20:25

Today, it appears that I spent three years of my life studying for a degree to find myself driving around looking for potholes. That's literally my job. I didn't even study roading, my civil engineering degree is in designing structures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 271

Drunken rampage?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up from sleeping at my friend's house with a bunch of other people, with my waist long hair cut into chunks on my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 926

You deserved it 5 513

Going swimmingly

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 18:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 687

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney World. They were so eager to get there, they decided they'd clean the fuel system themselves while I was at work, namely by pouring Tide into the gas tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 252

You deserved it 1 306

Today, Facebook sent me a new friend suggestion. I opened it only to see that the person suggested was the home wrecker that broke up my marriage 4 years ago. Her cover picture is her and my ex together, along with a group of people that I used to be friends with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 191

You deserved it 150

Today, I went to the restroom at work, but I forgot the press on the button/timer because the lights were already on, then the lights turned off while I was in the stall. I had to finish my business and exit the pitch-black restroom while trying not to bump into anything or anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 209

Today, I haven't been able to sleep for two nights due to cows mooing loudly somewhere nearby. I recently left the country to stay in the city. Which apparently has a higher cow population than my country home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 001

You deserved it 589

Today, my wife was sitting next to me surrounded by friends and she decided to start looking up the man that she had an affair on Facebook on her phone - all while I am sitting right next to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 625

You deserved it 285

Today, I had to beg and argue with my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This has become a recurring argument now we're confined together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 287