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Wow, just wow. I want to thank my parents and my friends for their love and support and I also want to thank my pants for never letting me down... Now seriously. Hi, I'm the OP and I'm so surprised this got posted. I'm much better now. This happened yesterday after work. I put the stuff in the oven and gave my cats a fresh bowl of wet food when I felt my stomach pressing the red button for alarm. At the end I could not only not leave the bathroom, I sat there while my apartment filled with a decent amount of smoke since my oven is fairly old. Finally the smoke detectors went off and gave the whole situation the best soundtrack possible. I'm a quit unlucky person, so this stuff happens all the time. After I finally left the bathroom I opened all the windows and doors and ate some cereal instead. Thanks for the comments so far. I will keep reading.

By wearingashirtatthepool - 09/05/2016 00:04 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, I spent thirty minutes on the phone with my best friend's mom, because her daughter was too afraid to tell me that I'm no longer a bridesmaid at her wedding because I'm too fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 760

You deserved it 1 673

FREEDOM

By Idontlikefireworks2 - 07/07/2018 19:00

Today, some idiots set off fireworks close to my house. I was a bit worried, but my uncle assured me it would be fine and left to run an errand. Just minutes later, I looked up to find the tree right next to my wooden balcony engulfed in flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 311

You deserved it 267

By out of the closet - 26/04/2016 00:22 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I had to tell the third guy that my mother set me up with that it wasn't him, it's me. Apparently my mother thinks if she sets me up with enough guys, I will "date the gay out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 880

You deserved it 1 541

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 00:33 - United States - Newton Center

Today, my daughter had a vocabulary assignment. She had to find five new words in books and movies. She was watching Shrek, so her first word was "thong". FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 598

You deserved it 2 125

By MasterMcrib - 17/04/2016 20:33 - United States - Highland Park

Today, while walking down the street I thought it would be funny to moon a crowd of old people taking a photo, in a few seconds a couple of them started pointing in my direction... Turns out they were pointing at the car that ran me over shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 830

You deserved it 36 244

She definitely won though

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 15:00

Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 674

You deserved it 820

By Lennie Mcfish - 28/08/2018 01:30

Today, I confessed my love to my crush over text. Later, she posted the message I'd sent her on Facebook and wrote "look at the pathetic man". The post had over 50 laugh reacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 632

You deserved it 539

By joanikens - 26/03/2016 19:02 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 118

You deserved it 6 147

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 10:55 - Australia

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 477

You deserved it 38 103

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 04:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after assuring my best friend that his girlfriend would never cheat on him, I came home to my brother having loud sex with my best friend's girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 772

You deserved it 2 644

By CmS_1733 - 11/02/2016 18:59 - United States - Pottsville

Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 230

You deserved it 3 068

By Shy_Shiloh - 21/01/2016 08:58 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, while I was taking a shower, my boyfriend came into the bathroom to ask me a question. When I got out of the shower, I was greeted with a horrifying cutout of Michael Jackson. I fell backwards, shattering the glass shower door. I needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 800

You deserved it 2 027

Shy_Shiloh tells us more.

Shy_Shiloh 8

Thursday 21 January 2016 17:51

In an attempt to stop the 'break up with him' or 'he's an asshole' comments that seem to get posted on every FML involving boyfriends/girlfriends: This was an accident. It was a rather unfortunate one, but an accident nonetheless. It's not like he purposely put me in a dangerous situation like other pranks I've read on here. He was getting me back for a prank I pulled on him a couple of weeks ago. He feels awful about it, but it's not his fault that I lost my balance and fell.

By let it go! - 01/12/2018 13:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my ex from high school is married and has kids but still found time to make yet another fake profile to berate me for cheating on him when we were 17. I've already blocked him, moved states, and changed my number twice. We're in our 30s. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 3 526

You deserved it 1 540

By definitelynotugly - 02/12/2018 12:00

Today, I had a morning shift at the restaurant and didn't feel like wearing makeup. I was energetic and greeted everyone happily, but my manager told me I looked tired. I said, "Oh no I'm just not wearing makeup!" He said, "Well, you might need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 842

You deserved it 350

Booze 'em young

By ChiefKoala - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Harriman

Today, whilst in church, my brother's Sunday school teacher asked him what he loved to drink, to which he replied, "Beer." We have no idea why he said that, and the church is still talking to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 178

You deserved it 1 785

ChiefKoala tells us more.

ChiefKoala 30

Monday 18 January 2016 8:56

So actually, this is my FML, but i didn't know if it would let me do a follow up since I have a different user name. So now to tell the whole story. My brother was very young and my family isn't big on alcohol; the most they drink is during the holidays when they're with family. Anyway, The church basically exiled us because they thought we were all raging alcoholics. I just heard mom telling the story and thought i would post it. it goes to show that kids really will say the darnest things haha. He's 13 now and I'm 21, so now he knows what beer actually is, and definitely doesn't say that's his favorite drink.

By _7_8_9__1 - 12/01/2016 03:25 - United States

Today, my anxiety was escalating so I decided to try an anti-anxiety adult coloring book to calm myself down. Too bad I got more stressed out about which colors I should use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 587

You deserved it 4 018

_7_8_9__1 tells us more.

_7_8_9__1 7

Wednesday 13 January 2016 19:31

OP here! I love coloring, but the designs in my favorite book are so complex, it's difficult to find a number of compatible colors. I was trying to use mostly bright colors and ran out of selections. I am already medicated and in therapy for my anxiety along with other things. @18 thank you for the advice! I might do that one day and I'll let you know how it goes!

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 02:07 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, after much reflection, I realized my "happy childhood" was more like "the years I was oblivious to how much people despised me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 666

You deserved it 2 117