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By dramaqueen15 - 16/10/2015 02:38

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 210

You deserved it 4 208

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 00:07

Today, I was sitting in Walmart when I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with, "You know I'm a guy, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 1 782

By lovedoesnotexist - 24/09/2015 11:52 - Belgium

Today, my long-term girlfriend broke up with me because my hair "falls out" and I "will definitely be bald soon", even though it's not that bad. The same girl who I supported through her chemotherapy and gave her promises that I would stay with her no matter how she looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 572

You deserved it 1 986

Twit to who

By Hooty - 02/09/2015 21:52 - United States - Groveton

Spicy

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 513

You deserved it 2 350

Social parasites

By wasp infestation - 03/10/2016 04:54 - United States - Aurora

Today, the owner of the house I'm renting said he doesn't want to pay $4000 to fumigate the home, and that he'll take care of the issue himself. I have killed 30 angry wasps in the last hour. There are thousands living in the walls, but I think their favorite place is my bathroom and my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 553

You deserved it 1 031

Baller move

By notafan - 07/08/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 3 584

By fox_at_heart - 30/09/2016 02:21 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my father has been saving money to help me buy my first car. In the same conversation, I found out my mother, unbeknownst to my dad, used nearly all of the money to bail my drunken, deadbeat uncle out of jail for the fourth time a month ago. He's now back in prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 950

You deserved it 781

By DepressedSigh - 27/08/2017 21:45 - Germany

Today, my considerate-to-a-fault boyfriend decided to break up with me because he felt that he made me unhappy. I spent the next 3 hours convincing him that I'm happy with him and just going through a rough patch of depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 790

You deserved it 403

By Chaosfigure - 03/09/2017 13:00

Today, after my driving instructor told me I should pass without any worries at all, I completely failed. I was hit by another car. While parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 947

You deserved it 259

Save the planet? Nah

By Earthling - 25/08/2016 02:20 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, our art teacher told us we will have to build a giant Coca-Cola bottle made of smaller ones as our art project for next week, meant to represent the damage consumerism does to our environment. I think he doesn’t understand we will have to buy tons of Coke to get the bottles needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 384

You deserved it 1 008

The Passion of the Christ

By Canada20 - 29/09/2017 06:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, while helping at my grandma's church, the new Orthodox Priest encouraged me to come to confession because he was sure I would have "a lot of stories to tell" and finished by seductively winking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 660

You deserved it 350

Criminal Minds

By Anonymous - 18/09/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 678

You deserved it 134

By Fire_Princess16 - 17/10/2017 04:20

Today, my boyfriend managed to convince me that Australia was called a penal colony because all the prisoners were men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 3 180

By mog907 - 25/07/2016 18:31 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I got fired from my first job because of the herpes on my lip. It was actually a second degree burn from soup that splashed on to my lips when I was serving it but my manager doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 301

You deserved it 1 249

Delightful

By Tori - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I got news that I had "delighted a customer" so I looked at the review online. It says, "The fat girl up front was nice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 837

You deserved it 549

By Instacreep - 20/03/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that when someone posts a "story" on Instagram, they can see who has viewed it and how many times. I have been viewing an ex's story every day for the past week. We do not follow each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 4 470

By 3rdWheel1stBorn - 23/03/2018 19:00

Today, I saw that my biological father took his two favorite daughters on a luxury cruise to celebrate his birthday. I didn't find out until the pictures were posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 702

You deserved it 274

By Avocadopurse - 01/05/2018 16:54

Today, I tried to redeem a gift certificate my fiance and I had been given for a free romance package at a hotel. The hotel closed permanently four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 393

You deserved it 757

avocadopurse tells us more.

avocadopurse 5

Tuesday 1 May 2018 5:20

OP here! A few things: the gift certificate was given to my mother, who gave it to me. It was not a gift-giving occasion she was trying to cop out of, she simply found it in a box one day and thought I'd get better use of it. The real fun was that a completely different hotel took over this one and continued to use the same phone number, so it took nearly 20 minutes with a very confused guest service rep to figure out what had happened! It turns out my mother had had the gift certificate for ELEVEN YEARS (she's military and that's how long it's been since she lived in our hometown). We all had a good laugh, and she offered to pay for a hotel, since we'd been planning on using it for a trip home.

Leave me alone

By TordNorski - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5 a.m., my mom loudly knocked and came in. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 305

You deserved it 1 194

By BritishDates - 22/08/2018 13:00

Today, my long-distance British boyfriend of 7 years canceled his plane ticket to visit me in the USA. He claims he "doesn't have enough money" to stay for 2 weeks. As I began canceling all the reservations, he called to say he bought a new car and a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 825

You deserved it 389

Healthcare or not?

By Garcia2284 - 13/09/2018 13:00

Today, I asked a customer three times before he saw the doctor if he had any medical insurance and he replied "No" each time. Paying his bill out of pocket, this dude had the nerve to ask, "So why didn't my medical insurance cover this?" He had coverage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 002

You deserved it 164

Tough love

By Anonymous - 09/08/2020 05:01

Today, I spent over an hour trying to get my niece to sleep and nothing worked. Then my husband got home and yelled, "Listen brat, either sleep now or be buried in the cat's litter box." It worked. She giggled, ran to bed and 30 seconds later she was snoring. What? How? Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 401

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 20:35 - Philippines - Las Pi?as City

Today, at preschool, I got to meet the mother of my daughter's best friend. She complimented mine's grades, and noted her quirkiness. I complimented her's for being congenial and being well-rounded. Later, my daughter said they are no longer besties because her mom said I called her daughter fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 749

You deserved it 1 686

Ammo

By Ms.rain - 07/12/2018 12:30

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went through my phone while I was in the bathroom, to check if I was cheating. I'm not. He was looking for some leverage for when he told me he's been fucking my best friend for the last year, he could use something against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 468

You deserved it 265

Brain fart

By good job brain - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a job interview. I was asked what my dream job would be. I blurted out, "The president, because I think it's a very cool and important job." I don't think I'm getting this one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 155

You deserved it 5 334

By Dhagiik - 24/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Oak Park

Spicy

Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, and in the stall next to me I could hear someone pleasuring himself. I decided to let my boss know what was going on, but it turns out that it was my boss in the stall next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 225

You deserved it 1 160

By scaredshitless - 10/04/2019 18:00

Today, at 2:30am, I heard my baby crying on the monitor. As I got out of bed, she stopped crying and started laughing. There's nobody else in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 16/11/2015 08:23 - Maldives - Male

Today, at a family dinner, my mom announced that my newborn brother was named after his father. His name is Kevin. My dad's name is Michael. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 646

You deserved it 1 731

By Anonymous - 10/11/2015 06:29 - United States - Du Bois

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about the difference between the U.S. and Canada when she asked me if they have their own government. She wasn't sure if they were governed by the U.S. or if they didn't have a government at all. She's a 33-year-old college graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 565

You deserved it 2 632

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 12:29 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting me dirty looks, being rude to me, and generally trying to avoid me. It's because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks people like me are Nazis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 004

You deserved it 1 744

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Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, my husband angrily accused me of cheating on him. It turns out he thinks that because I've been spending time with my brother recently, the two of us must be having some kind of incestuous affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 245

You deserved it 4 264

Today, I was promoted to Executive Assistant of our new managing director. Alas, no one told me that, alongside her occasional periods of managerial brilliance, she has severe ADHD and dyslexia, so as well as an assistant I’m also her babysitter, interpreter, maid, nurse, tutor, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 126

Today, I learned that when you stand up to a bully in a bar, it never ends like it does in the movies, the bully doesn’t get knocked out, and you don’t get the girl. What you get is a trip to hospital, banned from the bar, and the girl goes home with the bully while you lie in the ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 555

Today, my boss told me I could do my university work as long as I served customers when they came in. No customers came in all day, then I realised I’d been so focused on my laptop, I'd never noticed I’d left the bolt on the door, so customers couldn’t get in. My boss sacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 2 077

Today, I've been working abroad. The holiday request I put in two months ago and that was verbally approved came back denied today as they can't find cover. I have already booked my flights, can't cancel them, and I get to spend Christmas alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 801

You deserved it 753

Today, I finally got an interview for the job I want. The interviewer looked at my resumé and asked, "So, what have you been doing for the past 10 years?" I guess binge-watching Netflix wasn't the right answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 1 151