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By BakedBat - 21/02/2014 04:10 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 011

You deserved it 4 444

By feckingnasty - 26/01/2018 19:00

Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 665

You deserved it 471

By bigbagofnope - 17/06/2016 20:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I washed my boyfriend's work clothes, trying to make up for a fight we had earlier. After taking them out, I found his phone, wallet and keys at the bottom of the washer, completly waterlogged. This is not the peace offering I'd hoped for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 709

You deserved it 7 854

bigbagofnope tells us more.

bigbagofnope 25

Saturday 18 June 2016 7:36

Hay OP here, yeah I know it's my fault, I seriously ****** up. The original argument was about him spilling his coffee milkshake all in my car and on my purse, but that's water under the bridge now. I normally do check all the pockets before I put them in, I was just in a rush. I told him stright away and the wallet and keys are salvageable but the phone very much not. He's attually really chill about it bc he knows I didn't mean too and I am going to help him sort out a new phone asap. Always check your pockets folks!

By ouch - 16/06/2016 10:14 - United States - Livonia

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was so angry, she stabbed me in the hand with a plastic fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 407

You deserved it 2 021

By Chat - 04/03/2018 19:00

Today, my only day off this week, my cat decided that she wanted feeding at 5am and wouldn’t stop meowing till I filled up her bowl. She then refused to eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 956

You deserved it 744

By Anonymous - 12/06/2016 10:00 - Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 356

You deserved it 2 167

By MrDanito - 28/04/2016 06:21 - Czech Republic - Lysa Nad Labem

Today, I never thought I would see a blowjob from the perspective of the viewer, but it happened, in our open-space office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 596

You deserved it 1 667

By Why - 24/04/2016 18:59 - United States - Marlborough

Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 921

You deserved it 2 033

Kinky Crab

By Robert Herrin - 14/08/2018 18:30

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 2 151

Where am I?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 283

You deserved it 5 041

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 21:17 - United States - Fremont

Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 142

You deserved it 2 097

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 21/07/2020 17:01

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 117

You deserved it 420

DIY

By caisse à outs - 23/09/2015 01:06 - France - Saint Quentin

Today, my brother asked to borrow a hammer, a chisel, and a drill just in case. I asked him if he was finally getting round to starting work on his apartment. Nope, he was just going to crack open a coconut he'd bought at the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 530

You deserved it 2 109

By crossl17 - 12/11/2018 15:30

Today, I bought a new $10,000 car since my old one broke down. Today, I also found out the old one wasn’t starting because i never had it in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 4 719

By family heirloom gone - 17/11/2018 12:00

Today, my husband threw away the cast iron skillet my family has cooked with for generations because it had some specks of rust that were perfectly fixable. My 5th great-grandfather had that skillet in 1890 when he was a chuck wagon driver for the cowboys during their cattle drives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 114

You deserved it 255

By Angel - 13/01/2016 13:56 - United States - Charlotte

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 231

You deserved it 1 772

By mutantprincess - 12/01/2016 10:48 - Australia

Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom door and screaming, waking up my mum to kill it, she then sprayed it and went to pick it up. She then informed me it was made of plastic. My cat had got into the Halloween decorations from the spare room and decided to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 660

You deserved it 5 518

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 18:23

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 161

You deserved it 3 569

This doesn't feel nice

By Deadbed - 04/05/2019 16:00

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 685

By oopsie - 01/05/2019 20:00

Today, I got diarrhea. During sex. I didn’t even make it out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 012

You deserved it 374

By Pisciana unlucky - 29/04/2017 21:00 - Brazil - Niteroi

Today, as I was going to bed, I decided to read a book. Just as I touched the book, the bedroom light burned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 605

You deserved it 434

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:22 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I walked in on my dog slurping my coffee. I'm not sure how long we have been sharing my morning cup of joe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 250

You deserved it 909

By Genuine D - 13/05/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 511

You deserved it 454

By The Seamstress - 20/05/2017 11:00 - United States - Irving

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 031

You deserved it 5 546

By luceeloo - 23/11/2016 22:10

Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his "far superior" Excel skills. I'm now teaching him how to do the job that I didn't get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 273

You deserved it 848

By Umidknickname - 17/06/2017 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going away for the weekend to go clubbing with his mates. I would be fine with it, except the mates he's going with already tried to get him to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 933

You deserved it 501

Always prepared

By emasculated 10000% - 04/05/2013 17:05 - Sweden - Ljungby

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 838

You deserved it 7 831

By ashleighsheba - 27/09/2016 16:43 - United States - La Vergne

Today, I got pulled over, not because I was speeding but because apparently, I looked like a kid driving. The officer said I was too short to drive and needed a booster seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 237

You deserved it 1 165

Introvert struggles

By knife knife - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Dalkeith

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 927

You deserved it 15 511

C'est la langue de l'amour!

By Anonymous - 19/10/2017 05:00

Today, my French teacher set up a role-play scenario to act out in front of the class. During one of my lines, I mispronounced a phrase and called my teacher sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 107

You deserved it 464

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The Top

Today, I told my boyfriend I was getting him the “best surprise ever” for our anniversary. It turns out that we'd had the exact same idea, and bought each other the same pair of matching socks with each other's faces on them. I guess we both got the same damn ad in our Instagram feeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 444

Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 248

You deserved it 4 911

Today, I told the cute girl in my office that she looked like she listened to country music, as an icebreaker. She blankly stared at me for what felt like forever, and responded with, "That's the worst thing you could say to a person," and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 469

You deserved it 12 923

Today, I asked my husband to spend New Year's with me watching a movie or maybe spending some time together. He said, "I can't upset my family by coming to celebrate New Year's with you." For context, we live separately because my Dad passed away and I can't leave my mum alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 230

Today, my school's yearbook awarded "Cutest Couple" to my boyfriend and me. We broke up yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 030

You deserved it 5 561

Today, I started a new job as a maid. As I was cleaning the master bedroom's en-suite bathroom, the owners of the house came in and started making love. I was too scared to admit I was there, but after there was silence for a few minutes I thought it might be safe to leave. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 226

You deserved it 7 763