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    : 320



    Beep beep

    Anonymous - 25/12/2025 22:00

    Today, I took my partner’s car to fill with gas because mine was in the shop. Out of habit, I put diesel into the tank. We discovered it three hours later; the tow bill ate my weekly budget, the mechanic sighed through the repair estimate, and I spent the evening on hold with roadside help. FML
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    Bye bye loser

    abandoned af - 03/01/2026 20:00

    Today, my husband announced he was leaving me for a girl he met at work because she “has a hotter body” and “looks better in bed during sex.” I gave birth to his kid earlier this year. I said I was gonna bleed him dry on child support and alimony, and he said, “So? I can afford it. I make 6 figures a year.” FML
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    Old boy

    Anonymous - 19/01/2026 20:00

    Today, I visited my girlfriend’s family in Louisiana and her grandmother told her Pawpaw was still alive. Was it a neighbor or relative. Nope, a 60 year-old 12-foot alligator in the river behind their house. He actually came like a dog when she whistled. Scared the shit out of me. FML
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    Chilling

    Anonymous - 25/01/2026 03:00

    Today, it was freezing in the office, so I brought in a small space heater and plugged it in under my desk. Moments later, the power went out on the entire floor of the office. I quickly unplugged the heater and stuck it in a drawer. Now I just have to somehow sneak it out of the office. FML
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    Basic night out

    Anonymous - 05/02/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

    Today, I went out and got very drunk. I talked to a girl and some other people. As the girl left, someone told me to follow her as she didn't seem to know where she was going. As a drunk, socially inept idiot, I did so for about 20 seconds, only for someone to point me out to her and quickly guide her away. Then I lost like £700. FML
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    Intruder alert!

    Pain - 06/02/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, I had a dream where I was fighting a robber who had broken into my house. I was throwing a lot of kicks in the dream, and this apparently resulted in me kicking my feet in real life as well. I figured this out when my cat started attacking my feet, abruptly waking me up at 2AM. FML
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    Big kid

    Pauly - 10/02/2025 12:00 - United States

    Today, I went to take a drink from my water bottle while sitting in a quiet office with 5 coworkers. I squeezed too hard, sending a jet of water straight into my nose. My coworkers now think I need a sippy cup. FML
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    Flustered

    Anonymous - 14/02/2025 00:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

    Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet a potential client. As soon as I sat down, I knocked my coffee over, and it splashed all over my lap. I tried to play it off by making a joke, but I hadn’t brought a spare pair of pants, and the client turned up just as I was mopping my crotch with paper towels. FML
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    Nervous Nelly

    Anonyme - 15/02/2025 20:00 - United States

    Today, I went to a job interview and, trying to sound confident, I shook the interviewer’s hand and said, "Nice to meet me." I didn’t get the job. FML
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    Landscaping

    Anonymous - 17/02/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, my husband discovered our neighbour's fence was over our property line by 6 feet and kicked up a fuss about moving the fence. It turns out my husband can’t measure for shit. The fence is actually inside the neighbour's property, and he insisted we move it. There is now no room to park my car. FML
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    Are they wrong?

    Anonymous - 19/02/2025 13:30 - India - Jamshedpur

    Today, I slipped fell down an entire flight of stairs in front of literally everyone, and after getting back up, I tripped down another flight. Then, instead of silently walking away, I started laughing like a maniac and now everyone probably thinks I'm dumb, clumsy, and crazy. FML
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    Middle ground

    Anonymous - 05/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Cincinnati

    Today, after my wife and mother in law criticized me for being glued to my phone, I set out to prove them wrong by being away from it. When I finally opened it, my family was upset because my grandma died and they had been trying to reach me for several hours. FML
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    Giving up my exes for Lent

    Infinimaster - 07/03/2025 03:00 - United States - Gainesville

    Today, I was having a great night, until I went to church for Ash Wednesday. I walked in the door and let the other ushers know I was there. All was going fine until I happened to glance over at the front doors of the church and see my ex walking in. My mood was shit for the rest of the night. FML
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    Thow it!

    Ethan - 09/03/2025 03:00 - United States

    Today, I was having a conversation with a friend at the park when my dog ran up to me with something in his mouth. I thought it was a stick. I bent down to take it, only to realize it was a dead squirrel. My dog just stared at me, tongue lolling, like, “It’s a stick, throw it.” FML
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    Pesky ghosts

    Anonymous - 10/03/2025 22:00 - United States - Portland

    Today, I was walking down the hallway of my office, texting and not paying attention, when I tripped on… nothing. I just practically face-planted onto the floor, and when I looked up, people chatting in the hallway were staring at me, and asked me if I had tripped over my own foot or if a ghost had pranked me. FML
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    He giveth and he taketh away

    Anonymous - 23/03/2025 03:00 - United States

    Today, someone at work left 10 unopened beers after hours. I’m not much of a drinker, but free is free, so I took them home during my lunch break. After work, I left my new phone on top of my car, forgot about it, drove off, and it smashed in the middle of the road. Looks like I’m drinking those beers tonight. FML
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    Where is my mind?

    Anonymous - 01/04/2025 02:00 - United States - Dallas

    Today, after softball practice, I could not find my car keys. Emptied my bag completely, no keys. Called a locksmith but he never showed up. Walked across the street to ask the fire department if they could help. After they got into my car, I found them. In my bag. Caught in my scorebook. The fireman just laughed. FML
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    Overload

    Anonymous - 03/04/2025 06:00 - Philippines - Addition Hills

    Today, I was supposed to have a therapy session for my anxiety about work, but it got cancelled. My boss has been berating me for 2 weeks about my performance as a newbie. I feel like she doesn't like me and it's messing with my work even more. I'm dreading going to work tomorrow with the same problem. I can't get fired again. FML
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    Making the scene

    billie - 29/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Los Angeles

    Today, I had my first day in an acting class. Our assignment was to perform a dramatic monologue. I got super into it, threw myself into character, and dramatically fell to my knees to deliver a line. Unfortunately, my knees slipped, and I faceplanted into the floor in front of the entire class. FML
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    Shots fired

    Its a gas - 13/06/2025 00:00 - Czechia - Prague

    Today, I made a pot of chili. My wife came home, sniffed the air, and said, "You're sleeping in the guest room until you eat all that chili. You fart like a trucker and I can't sleep." FML
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    Multitasking

    Anonymous - 14/06/2025 20:00 - Canada - Toronto

    Today, during an online class, I forgot to mute myself while trying to get my dog to poop. The whole class, including my professor, heard me sing “Push It” by Salt-N-Pepa to motivate her. They all had many questions when I came back on camera. FML
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    Push it!

    Stace - 21/06/2025 22:00 - United States

    Today, I was lifting weights at the gym and felt proud of myself for pushing through a tough set. Then, I looked down and noticed my shorts had ripped right along the seam. Based on their disgusted faces, everyone behind me got an unwelcome show. FML
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    Post-truth world

    Anonymous - 25/06/2025 12:00 - United States - Winchester

    Today, I had to block my mom on most social media sites because she's continually tagging me in the comments under blatantly fake AI videos, and asking me, "Is this one real??" FML
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    RIP my best friend

    Anonymous - 20/07/2025 09:00 - United States - Portland

    Today, I put my phone in the dishwasher by accident. I'd left it on the kitchen counter with a bunch of dirty stuff and, distracted, loaded it in with the plates. I only realized it when the dishwasher started making weird noises. My phone was soaked and blinking with bubbles inside. It didn’t survive. FML
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    Don't look

    Anonymous - 23/07/2025 18:00 - United States

    Today, I realized that my sense of attraction is so incredibly messed up and geeky that I found the "Rib Woman" monster in the World Of Horror game that I play fascinating. Do not look up what she looks like, you will be unhappy. FML
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    Busted up

    KittyT - 27/07/2025 23:00 - Australia - Melbourne

    Today, I learnt my health is so messed up that a private clinic gave me my money back out of sympathy because they couldn't do a procedure. FML
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    Lasting first impression

    Anonymous - 03/08/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. As I went to shake her dad’s hand, my nervous, sweaty palm slipped right off and I ended up tapping him on the wrist. He gave me the most judgmental look while I awkwardly apologized and wiped my hand on my pants. FML
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    Back to square one

    Anonymous - 05/08/2025 15:00 - Australia - Perth

    Today, I was colouring countries on a map on my computer whilst listening to music. I was almost done when, whilst swinging my legs to the beat, my leg caught on the computer’s power cord and pulled it out. I was so caught up in the job I hadn’t saved in a while, so all my progress went up in digital smoke. FML
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    Unreliable

    Anonymous - 24/08/2025 13:00 - Canada - Maple Ridge

    Today, after moving provinces and working my ass off to find a job, and finally finding one, I got the flu and had to call in sick two days on my first week. They fired me today. FML
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    That one awkward guy

    Jeff - 06/09/2025 09:00 - United States - Des Moines

    Today, I tried to compliment a girl at my gym by saying, “Wow, you’re really strong!” She smiled and said, “Thanks.” Then, probably to be polite, she said, “You’re really… trying.” That was her actual word choice. I went home and considered canceling my membership, but I found out that it's designed to be almost impossible to leave the gym. FML
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    Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML
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    Today, I took my clothes off for a shower at an RV campsite. I started running the water when I noticed there was a pack of hornets in the bathroom. I stood there, stark naked, waiting for a chance to get out, for four hours. FML
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    Today, my mum grounded me for going to my boyfriend's house instead of the library. She said my boyfriend's mum phoned up because she could hear us having it off in his room. When I denied it my mum shouted at me for being a liar as well as a slut. I did go to the library. FML
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    Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
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    Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML
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    Today, my mom disowned me and kicked me out of the house, all because I used Plan B to terminate a potential pregnancy after I had unprotected sex. She actually packed a suitcase and duffle-bag for me, told me to hit the road, and to never come back. She told me she’d call the police for trespassing if I didn’t comply. FML
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