Your everyday life stories

Wm8103 - 03/05/2018 16:12

Today, after weeks of waiting I got turned down for a promotion that I was overqualified for because I missed a day. My manager approved the time off himself. FML

"cheryl" - 03/05/2018 09:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after 12 years of being an excellent tenant, I found out my asshole landlord wants the house back by the end of the month. FML

"chameleonlover1" - 03/05/2018 12:50

Today, while I was in class I was pulled into the office for "cutting". My cat scratched my arm. FML

InternetLapras - 03/05/2018 06:49 - New Zealand

Today, after a year of waiting, I finally found out the day of my well awaited surgery. The only problem is it's a few days after my birthday. "Happy birthday, here's surgery and a month in hospital, and an entire school term in a wheelchair.” FML

Pr3v10us - 02/05/2018 20:48

Today, my mom took me to the store. We shopped for a bit, but when it was time to leave my mother entered her items in the checkout and ditched. I'm 14 and she's not picking up. FML

Anonymous - 02/05/2018 20:03

Today, I got hit by a car. The woman yelled racial slurs, threw an empty can at me, and raced away. I went to the hospital and afterwards called the police, but neither believed my story. So much for “pedestrians have the right of way”. FML

Mom of a teenager - 02/05/2018 17:05

Today, after telling my teenage son who has been driving 6 months that I have a high amount of safe driver points, I got in an accident. It was my fault. FML

Anonymous - 02/05/2018 17:05

Today, I met my girlfriend's family for the first time during for her birthday lunch. Turns out her aunt is the older women I was sleeping with before I met her. FML

Friend? - 02/05/2018 01:30

Today, my ex best of 9 years ended our friendship. The reason? I'm a bad person that has the potential to be good and I don't celebrate her enough. This is after I paid 1000 bucks for a plane ticket so that she can join me on holiday. FML

James - 02/05/2018 01:15

Today, I dumped my boyfriend to ask out my crush thinking he liked me back. He rejected me and made it clear he didn't even want to be my friend anymore because I seemed too desperate. FML

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type2moron - 01/05/2018 13:58 - United States - Renton

Today, I checked my blood sugar (finger prick) to see if I could have a snack - turns out yes, I was good to go. One hand in the pickle jar later, I learned I should use my OTHER hand - even the smallest hole in your skin hurts like HELL in pickle juice. FML

thisreallysucks77 - 01/05/2018 21:39

Today, I found out I have been banned from Target because the other night, after a lot of drinking, I went to Target, opened the automatic doors and screamed “I am a god! I can open doors with my mind!" I ran around the store singing I’m Too Sexy and sped off before the cops came. FML

WellYaGottaBeKidding - 01/05/2018 20:53

Today, I woke up to find I failed to close my bedroom door all the way and my anxiety prone dog had left a steaming pile of Doo Doo on the floor. Not bad, right? Except looking for the light switch, I stepped right into it- barefoot. I’ve washed my foot multiple times and can’t rid the smell FML

sadCowboysfan - 01/05/2018 17:54

Today, I relented and sent a dude on my baseball team the dick pic he asked for. Later, at practice, one of my teammates asked me to call him. When I did, my dick pic showed up as my contact picture and I realized I accidentally sent the pic to my whole team. FML.

"Nefeli Const" - 01/05/2018 13:46

Today, I woke up at the sound of my parents arguing about my mom being pregnant. I have one older brother, which is 12 years older than me. My mum is 52 years old. I don't know what to do. FML

Brokenman - 01/05/2018 12:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend of 6 months dumped me. The reason? I found out she had been seeing another guy for over a month and they are moving in together tomorrow. He's her drug dealer. FML

Anonymous - 01/05/2018 10:47 - South Africa

Today, I had to strip and resilicone an entire bathroom while my husband sat in the car pouting because I called him a pussy. Doesn't that prove my point though? FML

Lonelyhusband - 30/04/2018 23:29 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my wife once again did nothing. I asked her to mail a package for me, but she went to Costco and charged more and didn’t have time to mail it because she was "too busy" today. I worked 12 hours, came home, mowed the lawn, played with the kids, put them to bed, and now I get to sleep with her back. FML

Shakey - 01/05/2018 06:58

Today, I flew 7 hours across the country to visit my girlfriend. I sat next to a woman so obese that the majority of her rested on me the whole flight. To make matters worse, she pissed herself during takeoff and didn't get up for over 4 hours since she had to piss again. FML

sataniioma - 30/04/2018 19:00 - Australia

Today, my mother and I got into a really big fight about me getting a job, which I can't do right now due to mental health issues. She hasn't had a job in over 20 years and just leeches off of the government or her boyfriend. She's perfectly able. FML

mycatisinnocentandsoami - 01/05/2018 00:27

Today, my dad decided to start punishing my cat because of my "progressive" ideals. Now, whenever she meows to go out he yells, "What?! You're a STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN. Open the door yourself!" at her until she cries and I let her out. My "progressive" ideals? Men and women were created equal. FML

ChromoTec - 30/04/2018 10:35 - United States - Coralville

Today, I learned that my parents have no college fund set up for me. I also learned that my mom will not let me get a summer job to start saving for my college on my own. FML

Mike Murdock - 30/04/2018 06:46

Today, it was my birthday. I told my mom that I didn't feel like having company because I was feeling sick and in a bad mood. She then proceeded to invite three entire families and forced me to come out of solitude and spend time with them because "It's your party." FML

Takegami - 30/04/2018 02:01

Today, I was with my classmates in a study session for finals. I felt a fart brewing and assuming it would be silent I tried pushing it out. Turns out, it wasn’t silent. The fart was so loud it surprised me, causing me to jump and fall backwards right onto my crush. FML.

Fema - 30/04/2018 01:45

Today, I found out my female flatmate pleasures herself to the sound of me and my boyfriend having sex. FML

BluWay - 30/04/2018 00:02

Today, my sister shut my hand in the car door and my finger feels like it's broken (and it's crooked now). My sister's crying while my mom comforts her while all I got while I was crying was ice. FML

TheSlytherin04 - 29/04/2018 23:59

Today, I showed my boyfriend a picture of me as a child, calling it my best-looking stage in life compared to how I am now. All he could compliment on was how much I looked like a guy. FML

daughterofthesaltiestwomanever - 29/04/2018 22:57

Today, I was sitting with my mom in the living room, reading a book while she napped. Suddenly she sat up, glared at me, and announced, "I just had a dream, that you were being a bitch to me. Now that I've woken up, I see that it's true." I've done literally nothing. FML

mad clown the 2nd - 29/04/2018 21:15

Today my husband has new pain pills from the doctor and he took 2 like he normally does. They must be way stronger than his old pills cause I left him alone so he could sleep, but instead he began finger painting all over the front room wall with our 4 year olds paint kit FML

StartingToHateDogs - 29/04/2018 17:07

Today, and For the past two days I’ve been dog sitting. In the past few hours I’ve already had to clean a diarrhea covered carpet, wash two sets of bed sheets and pick up dog bed stuffing. Monday can not come faster... FML.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my mother walked in on me rubbing $400 in $20 bills all over myself. FML

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Today, I went on a long overdue vacation to France with my husband and young daughter. As revenge for an earlier prank, my sister has apparently taught my daughter to swear profusely in French. FML

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Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "Does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML

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Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in my pillow case, and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick, and he could have my XBox. FML

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Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

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Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML

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