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    : 320



    Wm8103 - 03/05/2018 16:12

    Today, after weeks of waiting I got turned down for a promotion that I was overqualified for because I missed a day. My manager approved the time off himself. FML
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    "cheryl" - 03/05/2018 09:34 - United States - Brooklyn

    Today, after 12 years of being an excellent tenant, I found out my asshole landlord wants the house back by the end of the month. FML
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    "chameleonlover1" - 03/05/2018 12:50

    Today, while I was in class I was pulled into the office for "cutting". My cat scratched my arm. FML
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    InternetLapras - 03/05/2018 06:49 - New Zealand

    Today, after a year of waiting, I finally found out the day of my well awaited surgery. The only problem is it's a few days after my birthday. "Happy birthday, here's surgery and a month in hospital, and an entire school term in a wheelchair.” FML
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    Pr3v10us - 02/05/2018 20:48

    Today, my mom took me to the store. We shopped for a bit, but when it was time to leave my mother entered her items in the checkout and ditched. I'm 14 and she's not picking up. FML
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    Anonymous - 02/05/2018 20:03

    Today, I got hit by a car. The woman yelled racial slurs, threw an empty can at me, and raced away. I went to the hospital and afterwards called the police, but neither believed my story. So much for “pedestrians have the right of way”. FML
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    Mom of a teenager - 02/05/2018 17:05

    Today, after telling my teenage son who has been driving 6 months that I have a high amount of safe driver points, I got in an accident. It was my fault. FML
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    Anonymous - 02/05/2018 17:05

    Today, I met my girlfriend's family for the first time during for her birthday lunch. Turns out her aunt is the older women I was sleeping with before I met her. FML
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    Friend? - 02/05/2018 01:30

    Today, my ex best of 9 years ended our friendship. The reason? I'm a bad person that has the potential to be good and I don't celebrate her enough. This is after I paid 1000 bucks for a plane ticket so that she can join me on holiday. FML
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    James - 02/05/2018 01:15

    Today, I dumped my boyfriend to ask out my crush thinking he liked me back. He rejected me and made it clear he didn't even want to be my friend anymore because I seemed too desperate. FML
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    type2moron - 01/05/2018 13:58 - United States - Renton

    Today, I checked my blood sugar (finger prick) to see if I could have a snack - turns out yes, I was good to go. One hand in the pickle jar later, I learned I should use my OTHER hand - even the smallest hole in your skin hurts like HELL in pickle juice. FML
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    thisreallysucks77 - 01/05/2018 21:39

    Today, I found out I have been banned from Target because the other night, after a lot of drinking, I went to Target, opened the automatic doors and screamed “I am a god! I can open doors with my mind!" I ran around the store singing I’m Too Sexy and sped off before the cops came. FML
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    WellYaGottaBeKidding - 01/05/2018 20:53

    Today, I woke up to find I failed to close my bedroom door all the way and my anxiety prone dog had left a steaming pile of Doo Doo on the floor. Not bad, right? Except looking for the light switch, I stepped right into it- barefoot. I’ve washed my foot multiple times and can’t rid the smell FML
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    sadCowboysfan - 01/05/2018 17:54

    Today, I relented and sent a dude on my baseball team the dick pic he asked for. Later, at practice, one of my teammates asked me to call him. When I did, my dick pic showed up as my contact picture and I realized I accidentally sent the pic to my whole team. FML.
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    "Nefeli Const" - 01/05/2018 13:46

    Today, I woke up at the sound of my parents arguing about my mom being pregnant. I have one older brother, which is 12 years older than me. My mum is 52 years old. I don't know what to do. FML
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    Brokenman - 01/05/2018 12:43 - United Kingdom

    Today, my girlfriend of 6 months dumped me. The reason? I found out she had been seeing another guy for over a month and they are moving in together tomorrow. He's her drug dealer. FML
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    Anonymous - 01/05/2018 10:47 - South Africa

    Today, I had to strip and resilicone an entire bathroom while my husband sat in the car pouting because I called him a pussy. Doesn't that prove my point though? FML
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    Lonelyhusband - 30/04/2018 23:29 - United States - Lake Stevens

    Today, my wife once again did nothing. I asked her to mail a package for me, but she went to Costco and charged more and didn’t have time to mail it because she was "too busy" today. I worked 12 hours, came home, mowed the lawn, played with the kids, put them to bed, and now I get to sleep with her back. FML
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    Shakey - 01/05/2018 06:58

    Today, I flew 7 hours across the country to visit my girlfriend. I sat next to a woman so obese that the majority of her rested on me the whole flight. To make matters worse, she pissed herself during takeoff and didn't get up for over 4 hours since she had to piss again. FML
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    sataniioma - 30/04/2018 19:00 - Australia

    Today, my mother and I got into a really big fight about me getting a job, which I can't do right now due to mental health issues. She hasn't had a job in over 20 years and just leeches off of the government or her boyfriend. She's perfectly able. FML
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    mycatisinnocentandsoami - 01/05/2018 00:27

    Today, my dad decided to start punishing my cat because of my "progressive" ideals. Now, whenever she meows to go out he yells, "What?! You're a STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN. Open the door yourself!" at her until she cries and I let her out. My "progressive" ideals? Men and women were created equal. FML
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    ChromoTec - 30/04/2018 10:35 - United States - Coralville

    Today, I learned that my parents have no college fund set up for me. I also learned that my mom will not let me get a summer job to start saving for my college on my own. FML
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    Mike Murdock - 30/04/2018 06:46

    Today, it was my birthday. I told my mom that I didn't feel like having company because I was feeling sick and in a bad mood. She then proceeded to invite three entire families and forced me to come out of solitude and spend time with them because "It's your party." FML
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    Takegami - 30/04/2018 02:01

    Today, I was with my classmates in a study session for finals. I felt a fart brewing and assuming it would be silent I tried pushing it out. Turns out, it wasn’t silent. The fart was so loud it surprised me, causing me to jump and fall backwards right onto my crush. FML.
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    Fema - 30/04/2018 01:45

    Today, I found out my female flatmate pleasures herself to the sound of me and my boyfriend having sex. FML
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    BluWay - 30/04/2018 00:02

    Today, my sister shut my hand in the car door and my finger feels like it's broken (and it's crooked now). My sister's crying while my mom comforts her while all I got while I was crying was ice. FML
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    TheSlytherin04 - 29/04/2018 23:59

    Today, I showed my boyfriend a picture of me as a child, calling it my best-looking stage in life compared to how I am now. All he could compliment on was how much I looked like a guy. FML
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    daughterofthesaltiestwomanever - 29/04/2018 22:57

    Today, I was sitting with my mom in the living room, reading a book while she napped. Suddenly she sat up, glared at me, and announced, "I just had a dream, that you were being a bitch to me. Now that I've woken up, I see that it's true." I've done literally nothing. FML
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    mad clown the 2nd - 29/04/2018 21:15

    Today my husband has new pain pills from the doctor and he took 2 like he normally does. They must be way stronger than his old pills cause I left him alone so he could sleep, but instead he began finger painting all over the front room wall with our 4 year olds paint kit FML
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    StartingToHateDogs - 29/04/2018 17:07

    Today, and For the past two days I’ve been dog sitting. In the past few hours I’ve already had to clean a diarrhea covered carpet, wash two sets of bed sheets and pick up dog bed stuffing. Monday can not come faster... FML.
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    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, my mother walked in on me rubbing $400 in $20 bills all over myself. FML
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    Today, I went on a long overdue vacation to France with my husband and young daughter. As revenge for an earlier prank, my sister has apparently taught my daughter to swear profusely in French. FML
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    Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "Does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML
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    Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in my pillow case, and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick, and he could have my XBox. FML
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    Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML
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    Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML
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