Your everyday life stories

Foreversad - 12/05/2018 02:36

Today, I had plans to go to a huge BBQ buffet and pig out, but of course I have the flu. Couldn't cancel as it was my hubby's bday. Long story short, I paid $34.99 plus tax for a single bite of mac and cheese that ended up in the restaurant's toilet aside my costly water. FML

Emotional and physical baggage

SingleAF - 11/05/2018 16:09 - United States - Mckinney

Today, I am single after 2.5 years. My now ex-boyfriend decided to wait a year since I moved in with him to tell me that he's not physically attracted to me because of my weight and that my family (mostly my special needs brother that I will end up taking custody of when my parents pass) is too much. FML

BumLuck - 11/05/2018 22:02

Today, the girl of my dreams asked to tag along with me to the gym, and then to eat after. We ordered food, and my card declined despite money in the account. The next day I called and they said it was a random error. Now she won't go on a second date. FML

Whitney Mathis - 11/05/2018 16:01

Today, my fiance cheated on me and how did the girl he cheated with decide to let me know? By posting it on Facebook and tagging me for everyone to see. FML

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Badabim - 11/05/2018 15:28 - Finland

Today, I realised I had a pack of cold cuts in my back bag. I had bought that pack a couple of days ago, and somehow forgotten it, as it had created a fold in the fabric and was hidden under. The bad part? The package had broken, and now there are tiny pieces of half-rotten ham in the bag. FML

The Wrong Link - 11/05/2018 17:34 - Australia - Casey

Today, I was looking for a recipe at the same time as looking at porn. I sent an email to my mom to print the recipes because my printer stopped working. I must have copied the wrong link cause I got a phone call asking why I sent her "cartoons" and not the recipes. The "cartoons" were hentai. FML

Oopsiedaisy - 11/05/2018 05:01

Today, I was chatting with my boyfriend's younger brother, who just recently moved into our home. I asked him what the dog was chewing on, so he took it out of the dog's mouth, it ended up being the bloody undies that I started my period in this morning. He threw them down in horror. FML

- 11/05/2018 02:19

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years ended our relationship with a simple reason, our goals don't align. And it took 8 years to figure that out? FML

BackToSquareOne - 11/05/2018 01:48

Today, at 4AM, I finished typing a 7-page argument for my court hearing on Word. I'd spent 8+ hours on it, I clicked save and moved on to my evidence when photos kept shutting down. I restarted my computer to find that nothing was ever saved, not even the autorecovery back folders had anything. FML

no 20s please! - 11/05/2018 01:16

Today, I attended my weekly Dungeons and Dragons session where I get to DM it. I once again had to adjust and pace myself due to the fact that the hero characters are all lewd and lecherous males. And oh, I forgot to mention, my actual players are 12 year old girls. FML

maidenwhite - 11/05/2018 00:53

Today, despite running every day for the past year, I still find myself gasping for breath after a short 1-minute jog. FML

Unlucky Bastard - 11/05/2018 00:29

Today, I just got my period a week early, tomorrow I'm going to be on a 22 hour non-stop flight. FML

oub - 11/05/2018 00:25

Today, the 3-year-old kid I'm watching threatened to kill me because I didn't give him candy. His parents don't get back for a week and I'm scared to sleep. FML

plarch - 11/05/2018 00:11

Today, my mom called my name while I was on the toilet. I finished pooping, flushed and washed my hands, and then went to see what she wanted. She flew into a rage because I didn't immediately drop what I was doing as soon as she called for me. Seriously? FML

janejustjane - 10/05/2018 23:12

Today, I realized that I tend to confuse right and left when I am overly stressed. Driving triggers extreme stress for me. FML

Chickenman - 10/05/2018 12:06 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, dogs killed our chickens. One of them, my sister's favorite, was mutilated and I had to put it down. After I killed it, I realized that the only injury was a single cut on its back, and it would have lived if I had left it alone. FML

Subway - 10/05/2018 13:26 - United States - Boise

Today, I found out after months of doing everything my bosses need, coming in every time they need someone and months of commitment to them, they're going to promote someone who just got hired to a manager when they said they were prepping me for the manager position. FML

karie - 10/05/2018 21:18

Today, my mom yelled and screamed at me for hours, blew out her voice, and then continued to try to yell at me for the next twenty minutes through painful sounding croaks. All because I accidentally called the dishwasher 'the washing machine.' FML

diarrhea - 10/05/2018 19:37

Today, I drank a glass of milk. It tasted a little funny, but I drank it anyway. Fast forward to now, I've been on the toilet for hours with explosive diarrhea. Turns out my roommate replaced all my milk with milk of magnesia as revenge for eating his cookies last week. FML

rip me - 10/05/2018 19:33

Today, I am staying with my parents for the summer. I tried to make a PB&J sandwich and noticed the jelly had a strange color to it, but I ate it anyway as it seemed to be the only edible thing in the kitchen. Now, I'm shitting straight blood. FML

Killmenow - 10/05/2018 16:55

Today, maintenance came to look at my ad. Not thinking, I let them in. Only after a struggling conversation with two strange men that barely spoke English, did I realize I had left my dildo on the counter, right in front of them, on a strainer I used for pasta. In the bathroom sink. FML.

- 10/05/2018 08:27

Today I was sitting on the toilet pooping and my phone was on the counter, just out of my reach. Turns out it was my boss calling me to tell me I can have the day off. I forgot to call back, and after the 3 1/2 hour drive to work, I then found out the "great news". FML

crappyday - 10/05/2018 02:07 - United States

Today, my Crohn’s disease decided to act up for no reason at work. I ran to the bathroom praying I’d make it in time. I’m now currently back in my office, going commando, as my undies are drying on my space heater under my desk... FML

"733yoda" - 10/05/2018 04:39

Today, my mother called me a "worthless high school dropout". I have three weeks of high school left, and asked to stay home one day because I was sick to the point where I can barely walk and use an entire box of tissues in an hour. FML

cperagui - 10/05/2018 01:18

Today, the marching shoes I have to wear for band gave me blisters before I even started marching. They hurt too much to even put band aids on them. FML

Takegami - 09/05/2018 18:20 - United States - Norge

Today, I had the screaming shits. Why? Because I ate food that I was perfectly fine with a few days ago. This is not the first time this has happened. The list of things I can eat without severe abdominal pain is getting smaller everyday. FML

fuckhim! - 09/05/2018 06:32 - United States - Hesperia

Today I’ve been trying desperately to get along with my son’s father for the sake of our child. That all went out the window when I found out this cock gobbling spineless bastard has been allowing the woman he cheated on me with to force our son to call her mama. Fml

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hcditfi5foygy - 09/05/2018 07:37 - United States - Little Rock

Today, my dad and I were going to fix our leaking roof on our trailer we live in. He's 73 and can barely stand up, but insisted on doing it himself even when I told him that I would do it instead. I said he would fall. He disagreed. Guess who was right. FML

Ohmsick - 09/05/2018 14:29

Today, I got my phone screen wet after being hit with a water balloon while exploring Ebay. You know that weird "finger taps click random buttons" thing that happens with a wet screen? Well, now I have a $700 bid on an antique cutting board from Czechoslovakia. Ramen for a month. FML

Anonymous - 09/05/2018 07:30

Today, I was grounded for a month. Why? My parents wanted me to watch Big Bang Theory with them at 9:00. I was two minutes late. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, while crying at my grandma's funeral, I was told to "man up". FML

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Today, I was arguing with my husband and he screamed at me to the point of tears. He asked, “Why are you crying? Last night we had rough sex where I spanked you, threw you around in bed, called you names, and you enjoyed that shit.” FML

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Today, I had to pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the bar at 2:00am because they were too drunk to drive themselves and had no money for an Uber. Five minutes into the ride, they started going at it in the back of my car. I don't think I'll be doing favors again. FML

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Today, while talking to my close female friend whose roommate I have a crush on, I learned that my crush shaves her bikini area into a heart shape. I also learned that my crush is apparently also asexual, so I have no chance with her. FML

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Today, I got a Brazilian wax in anticipation of becoming intimate for the first time this weekend with a man I have dated for a few weeks. I'm so sore it hurts just to walk. FML

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Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. Later on, his mom pulls me aside and tells me to back off, saying he will never marry someone like me and he should be with a nice girl like his ex. They broke up after he found her in his bed with his roomate. FML

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