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I don't want to know

By Anonymous - 13/01/2026 20:00

Today, I overheard my parents talking. It went something like “Walk it off, you’ll be fine”, “I will not be fine, it’s leaking”, “Well sit on a towel then”, “A man should not squish when he sits”, “Remember that next time you think about doing it to me.” I dread to think what was leaking out of my dad, or where. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 55

Cheeky

By Anonymous - 01/01/2026 15:00

Today, I learned that my kids refer to my much older fiancé as my “Emotional support corpse.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 408

Superficial

By Jackielynn - 22/01/2026 00:00

Today, my new husband told me, “If you ever get comfortable during the marriage I’m leaving. So I’m getting you a gym membership to keep that body in check.” When I protested, he told me, “How would you feel if I packed pounds and look like Jabba The Hutt?” My silence was punctuated by an “Exactly.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 393

Nutrition expert over here

By Dog - 02/01/2026 03:00

Today, as I fed my dog his dinner of chicken offal, a drumstick, a wing, a mackerel, and a raw egg, my dad bitched and moaned that I waste money feeding him meat instead of just buying the cheapest kibble at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 340

Cramped my style

By Anonymous - 15/01/2026 20:00

Today, I reached a limit I wasn’t aware I had when I had to tell my husband we’re not having shower sex anymore because he’s gotten so big since he retired, we don’t both comfortably fit in there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 56

A tad dramatic

By Illice - 13/01/2026 03:00

Today, my estranged fiancé invited my son (from a previous relationship) and I over for dinner, hoping to reconcile somewhat. When he brought out the roast, my son pointed and yelled, "I'M NOT GONNA EAT THAT!" He was so offended that he kicked us both out and now refuses to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 324

Pressing charges

By Anonymous - 10/01/2026 22:00

Today, I was out of town but saw the Ring camera footage of a woman dragging my wife out of our house by her hair and beat the brakes off her on the front lawn. The woman was the mother of the girl our daughter had been bullying. When confronted, our daughter laughed and said, "Oh well." FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 452

Whatsapp group chat woes

By Anonymous - 12/01/2026 09:00

Today, I reacted at a group text joke that had already moved on three hours earlier. Everyone had stopped responding. My “HAHAHA” sat there alone like a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 177

Am I still here?

By Embarassed - 01/01/2026 09:00

Today, I laughed at a joke in a group chat. No one else reacted. After five minutes, I realized I’d replied to a message from last week. I had to also pretend I hadn't noticed and sat in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 168

One liner

By Anonymous - 23/01/2026 15:00

Today, I opened a new can of shaving cream. The moment I touched the top, the whole can emptied into my palm, and startled the crap outta me. I'm a whole lot more sympathetic to my first girlfriend now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 93

Sitcom moment

By Anonymous - 29/12/2025 09:00

Today, my friends were criticizing me, a 36 year-old man hitting on a 22 year-old I met at a bar. I brought up that she’s a consenting adult. One of them responded, “Dude, the year she was born, you were old enough to jerk off and your voice was dropping… isn’t that a turnoff for you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 705

The talk

By Anonymous - 18/01/2026 20:00

Today, I had to have a conversation with my husband about how my toes have gone numb from the diabetes that it's no longer sexy when he sucks my toes, because it just feels odd and uncomfortable to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 69

Quality time

By Fourth, EWWW!!! - 16/01/2026 22:00

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted him to watch The Handmaid's Tale with me. He snorted and said, "Nah, I'd rather not watch your rape fantasy show." First of all, ew. Second of all, how is this show a fantasy? It's horrifying. Third of all, EW! FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 382

Stay out of it

By Muddy - 28/12/2025 00:00

Today, my disgusting coworker made a comment about "women versus accountability" and I couldn't even yell at him for being a sexist scumbucket, because my wife threw coffee at me yesterday for pointing out that she'd left the chips open and they went stale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 347

Show yourself!

By Coneer - 19/01/2026 09:00

Today, I told an employee to turn her camera on during a meeting when she worked remote. Since she refused to turn it on, I questioned the veracity of whether she was actually working at home, so I threatened to take disciplinary action. She responded by filing a complaint to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 530

Bullet dodged

By RIP me - 16/01/2026 20:00

Today, I was talking with my newly-single male friend, who I've had a crush on forever. He was rattling off his list of what he looks for in a woman, like, "Must want kids, must eat meat…" I got excited thinking I might have a shot until I heard, "Must be at least somewhat right wing." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 444

Peace offering

By Anonymous - 15/01/2026 03:00

Today, after a silly argument, I decided to walk up on my boyfriend naked, but instead of a cute reaction video, I got a video of him yelling at me to grow up, get my ass dressed, and to stop trying to manipulate him while he’s angry at me. The argument was over the Lego we’re building together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 544

Don't do this sort of shit

By Ouch - 29/12/2025 15:00

Today, I got in the car with some friends, only to realize none of them were wearing seat belts. They heckled me until I took mine off, then the driver slammed on the brakes and I hit the dash. They'd all known it was coming and braced themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 594

Move on

By Anonymous - 27/12/2025 09:00

Today, I bought a guy I’ve liked for months a Christmas present and expressed how much he meant to me. He said, “Lol, thanks.” He then went on a date with another girl. Apparently, being loving and caring towards guys gets you used and rejected. My lover girl era is now over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 528

Risky business

By Anonymous - 22/01/2026 20:00

Today, I snapped a tendon in my knee during cowgirl position. My boyfriend was “so close to finishing” that he asked if he could just slip it back inside for a few seconds while we waited for the ambulance, “since you’re already lying down, Babe.” If I could stand, I’d have hit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 39

Third wheel

By sammy - 11/01/2026 20:00

Today, and since 2026 started, my two friends began liking each other and I'm very happy for them. The problem? They get so close (literally and figuratively) that they do things that make me feel left out (both subjectively and objectively). Everyone says it's normal, but when I was in love I never did that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 265

Guess not

By Unmerry xmas - 26/12/2025 09:00

Today, at a Christmas party, I chatted up a hot girl. She acted indifferent and uninterested so I took the hint and stopped. Moments later, another guy chats her up and they seemingly hit it off. At the end of the party, I heard her brag to her friends how they exchanged numbers. I guess I’m not good enough for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 546

It's nothing personal

By Anonymous - 18/01/2026 15:00

Today, as a teaching assistant, I somehow uploaded my personal notes instead of the lecture slides. My “notes” included reminders like “slow down, idiot”, “this makes no sense”, and “students will hate this part.” Several students emailed me saying they appreciated the honesty. I would've appreciated the ground opening and swallowing me whole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 293

All dungeon, no dragon

By +1 staff of ENDLESS TALKING - 27/12/2025 00:00

Today, I went to a public tabletop RPG session, excited to finally try it out. It was full of a bunch of fucking theater kids that wanted to be friends with everything and not fight. Four interminable hours later, I finally escaped from the Chamber of Boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 326

Can't be arsed

By Anonymous - 21/01/2026 00:00

Today, my dad used to be suspicious of boys like all dads are, but just now he kicked me, actually kicked me up the ass, to get me out of the house for a date. His parting words were, "You’re 32 years-old and still living with me. Marry him, marry anybody, please, before I’m dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 478

One hand clapping

By Anonymous - 06/01/2026 20:00

Today, I woke up earlier than most days, I spooned my wife, gently massaging her back and letting her feel I was ready for play. She finally woke up, got dressed, and didn’t give a damn. I had to work it out myself once again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 224

Fear factor

By James - 07/01/2026 22:00

Today, I put my son on a ladder and told him to help me get down the Christmas lights to force him to face his terrible fear of heights. He cried for a good ten minutes, then started to calm himself down, just in time for my wife to run out screaming, "GET HIM OFF THAT LADDER!" Now he's even more scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 576

It's not just men

By WTF - 05/01/2026 15:00

Today, as we were discussing our plans for 2026, I suggested we go vegan as it's healthier and better for the planet. My husband said, "Ask me to go vegan again and I'll have divorce papers for you the next day." Why? Why are men so adamantly opposed to veganism? FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 1 084

What gauge strings are you using??

By Anonymous - 07/01/2026 00:00

Today, I forgot to tune my guitar pre-performance. Surprising, because it was in tune when I frantically did it by ear backstage. Too bad two of the six strings snapped, smacking the drummer in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 254

Steamy pile of mess

By Anonymous - 14/01/2026 09:00

Today, I put leftovers in the microwave and pressed what I thought was “1:00.” It was actually “10:00.” I got distracted, then realized at minute eight when the smell changed from “warm food” to “bad science experiment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 329

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The Top

Today, after finding out that my professor likes to talk trash about, and constantly belittle, Muslims in every American History class he teaches, I submitted an essay about Muslim contributions to humanity. He held me back after class and asked why I gave him such filth. I'm a Muslim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 643

You deserved it 5 078

Today, I went to the military base to save $10 on a haircut. On the way out the gate, the glare of the sun blocked my view of a star barrier. Instead of saving $10 on a haircut I now owe a $500 deductible to fix my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 301

You deserved it 9 148

Today, I don’t know what to do, my (female) boss just told me that in order to comply with our dress code, I now have to go and tell most of our female employees to cover up their visible cleavage. I'm not the most confident around women, how am I supposed to discuss their boobs with them? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 188

Today, my Syrian-American fiancée is reconsidering the engagement and returned the ring, all because my mother decided last night was the perfect night to get drunk during dinner, and blurt out racist Muslim jokes and phrases. She refuses to apologize or acknowledge that she did anything wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 251

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 329

You deserved it 5 041

Today, I went on a second date. He gave me the wrong directions to the restaurant. When it was time to pay for our meal, he casually mentioned that he forgot his wallet. I had to pay, and also tip the waitress who was all over him and didn't spare me a second glance. I'm unemployed and broke. He has a job and it was his idea to eat out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 193

You deserved it 322