The Top

To all those that commented: "Why didn't you drink too? Party pooper!" Actually, I'm allergic to alcohol. I did have one drink, but anymore than that and my body starts to go into shock. Then it's a lovely trip to the hospital. Yep, I know, such a party pooper, eh? Thanks for the nice comments though. You guys get karma points.

By murphy22 - 24/08/2012 09:33 - United States - Norman

Today, I was taking a relaxing bath. My cat decided to sit on the ledge, which is normal for her, but today she fell in. I never knew how painful it was to be scratched down there until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 663

You deserved it 2 826

By Rimmy Jobs - 21/08/2012 16:39 - United States

Today, after volleyball practice, I noticed my pants were missing. Now I have to go to work wearing spandex bottoms, all because one of my teammates is a thieving douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 428

You deserved it 2 209

An attempt was made

By bubblewrap - 20/10/2015 10:13 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 820

You deserved it 11 984

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 03:02 - New Zealand

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 558

You deserved it 3 226

Messy

By hopeless1 - 26/04/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 026

You deserved it 5 858

Richard pictures

By Anonymous - 25/05/2012 18:21 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I joined a local interest website, hoping to make some friends in my area. I don't think I've ever met so many guys before who introduce themselves with pictures of their cocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 708

You deserved it 6 007

By bronco_lover89 - 22/05/2012 01:05 - United States - Essexville

Today, after months of using the empty driveway across the street from my house, a note was placed under my windshield wiper. It read, "Please stop parking in my driveway. P.S. You’re hot. Are you single?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 940

You deserved it 39 435

By parental failure - 03/03/2013 17:03 - Canada - Langley

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 100

You deserved it 7 538

By Wrongtoilet - 12/07/2010 08:28 - Singapore

Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 874

You deserved it 5 469

By BigToe - 26/04/2011 16:00 - United States

Today, I broke my toe. My mom didn't think it was necessary to take me to hospital, opting to give me some painkillers instead. They were so strong that I fell asleep for an hour during my exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 543

You deserved it 4 091

Gas giant

By DrGas - 04/09/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, while giving a lecture about gasses to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusually loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 404

You deserved it 47 273

By Xanadu - 16/04/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, I made a video for a school tour of my apartment in German. The walls in my apartment are thin, so you could hear my sister having phone sex in her room in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 656

You deserved it 5 817

By WinkleBottom - 04/11/2013 22:01 - United States

Today, for the tenth time, my teacher made a misbehaving student sit next to me as punishment. He begged for detention instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 743

You deserved it 5 760

WinkleBottom tells us more.

WinkleBottom 13

Tuesday 5 November 2013 3:17

Breath or body odor isn't the issue. I'm just a quiet kid in a room of loud ones. I guess I'm boring, eh? Also, no, I do not stick my penis in fish tacos.