Intimacy: Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is...

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 523

You deserved it 3 840

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Same thing different taste

Good friend

By Lisa - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I slept with a friend who always bitches about how he can't keep a girlfriend. When he finished within 3 minutes, I understood why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 431

You deserved it 1 148

Forever the bridesmaid

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 14:02

Today, after watching my roommate and her boyfriend be all lovey dovey for months, I now have to watch two of our other friends flirting as well. I'm painfully single and have been struggling to change that for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 229

Amnesiac

By sexytime - 02/09/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, my best friend, who I've had serious feelings for for over a year, decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost two years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with, "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up six months ago. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 961

You deserved it 4 251

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 831

You deserved it 4 929

Unrequited and stuck

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 02:00

Today, I'm crushing so hard on my male roommate that I've basically become a doormat for him. Meanwhile, he's on the phone for hours with the pretty girl he met over Tinder. I feel pathetic, stupid and jealous, which I have no right to be. Worst part, we're still quarantined together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 783

By damn - 09/04/2014 21:12 - United States - Kenton

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 503

You deserved it 8 041

Get on with it!

By not sexy anymore - 28/07/2020 05:01

Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 995

You deserved it 348

Gagging for it

By Anonymous - 20/02/2023 14:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 268

By f4444 - 21/12/2015 05:38 - United States - Highland Park

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 180

You deserved it 2 614

Get me out of here

By Creeped_out_n_stuck - 05/08/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 628

You deserved it 3 735

benshady 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 10:45

he's got to get it from somewhere so grab a rubber and get hot and steamy with him

topramen 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 9:59

awesome... maybe you should have taken your top off?

Comments

kukopia 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 18:20

As a friend, it's your opening to help him. Tell him how gaudy is cloths are. How ugly his hair cut is. How nausiating his hygine is. How repulsive his social skills are. How anti-social his life is. How he's to cheap to get a hooker isn't your problem. Some guys need a good friend to give them a hint. Some need a 2x4 to the back of the head.

transilvanianson 3

Thursday 4 August 2011 9:58

I completely agree

FromCFL 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 18:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

lmfaosuckit 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 19:38

tell him that's why he couldn't get laid...cant just keep his eyes on the boobs =.=

TAST3MYRAINB00Wx 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 23:11

worst fml ever how is it an fml if your guy friend finds your body attractive? its more of an fml for him since he hasnt gotten laid in a year attention seeker... GET OVER YOURSELF!

TAST3MYRAINB00Wx 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 23:12

worst fml ever how is it an fml if your guy friend finds your body attractive? its more of an fml for him since he hasnt gotten laid in a year attention seeker... GET OVER YOURSELF!

MiseryMan 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 23:48

Just give the guy a hand job. I don't know why girls feel so awkward about that situation-- it's just fapping a guy's junk for a few minutes.

ragsy 7

Wednesday 21 October 2009 23:53

Jeez, give the poor guy a pity ****.

monster_tamer 11

Wednesday 21 October 2009 23:57

It could be simply that OP doesn't WANT to do it, guys. For most women, sex isn't done arbitrarily. Be reasonable.

perdix 29

Thursday 22 October 2009 0:32

Tell him, "Dude, don't stare at the **** until you have been allowed to play with them." It's the opposite of shopping where you look at the merchandise before you purchase it and use it. With ****, you have to purchase them first (dinner and a movie is the standard fee, or a few drinks), then you get to play with them and THEN you can start to look at them.