Intimacy: Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is...

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 523

You deserved it 3 840

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Same thing different taste

Good friend

By Lisa - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I slept with a friend who always bitches about how he can't keep a girlfriend. When he finished within 3 minutes, I understood why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 431

You deserved it 1 148

Forever the bridesmaid

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 14:02

Today, after watching my roommate and her boyfriend be all lovey dovey for months, I now have to watch two of our other friends flirting as well. I'm painfully single and have been struggling to change that for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 229

Amnesiac

By sexytime - 02/09/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, my best friend, who I've had serious feelings for for over a year, decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost two years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with, "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up six months ago. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 961

You deserved it 4 251

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 831

You deserved it 4 929

Unrequited and stuck

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 02:00

Today, I'm crushing so hard on my male roommate that I've basically become a doormat for him. Meanwhile, he's on the phone for hours with the pretty girl he met over Tinder. I feel pathetic, stupid and jealous, which I have no right to be. Worst part, we're still quarantined together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 783

By damn - 09/04/2014 21:12 - United States - Kenton

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 503

You deserved it 8 041

Get on with it!

By not sexy anymore - 28/07/2020 05:01

Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 995

You deserved it 348

Gagging for it

By Anonymous - 20/02/2023 14:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 268

By f4444 - 21/12/2015 05:38 - United States - Highland Park

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 180

You deserved it 2 614

Get me out of here

By Creeped_out_n_stuck - 05/08/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 628

You deserved it 3 735

benshady 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 10:45

he's got to get it from somewhere so grab a rubber and get hot and steamy with him

topramen 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 9:59

awesome... maybe you should have taken your top off?

Comments

mrzero 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:24

by the way how could you not get laid for that long????

LadenMichael 6

Wednesday 8 April 2015 19:12

He obviously can't get any

playfuldesk 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 13:06

I looked at my best friend(who is a girl)'s chest all the time. She just stops talking u probably should have

saunder 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 13:55

girl get it on with him, friends are supposed to help one out ;)

99MDC 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 14:39

If you won't ****, give him a hand.

mekzikinz 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 14:40

how is this an fml?

elephantofdoom 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 23:29

exactly! who the **** cares?

GetPhysical 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 7:11

i rkn bruh.

Superawesomestev 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 15:18

your a dumb ass and fail. fail!

banananread112 5

Sunday 12 August 2012 1:44

How is OP a dumb ass?

JazzHandsFML 28

Friday 10 April 2015 20:41

heil the dictionary! you're you incompetent bloke.

BlackBloodRose 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 15:20

gaydar totally going off

kukopia 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 15:40

AKKKKk We're in a wave of lame FMLs. The mods must be tokin. It's either that or they're douchin...

DynamicDave 11

Wednesday 21 October 2009 15:57

YDI for having a chest

ThursdayA 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 9:31

You too.

SlenderMann 10

Wednesday 12 December 2012 0:28

What the ****?

Igor_g5 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 17:25

So give him some.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my father is really enjoying the iPhone my mother gave him for Christmas. He's enjoying it so much that he's already installed all sorts of dating apps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 967

You deserved it 1 594

Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 830

You deserved it 2 946

Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of their features, so I asked which one. I was told Homer because we "both could use Weight Watchers and an education." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 507

You deserved it 4 368

Today, my toddler gave me a compliment. She said, "Mommy, you’re so pretty... when the lights are off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 94

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 416

You deserved it 7 352

Today, I'm a 27-year-old back-to-school university student. Everyone hates me because I'm actually interested in participating in my classes and getting good grades, instead of partying, cheating in exams, and generally not giving a crap. Apparently I make them look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 219

You deserved it 2 363