It's not abusive if the toenails bother her during sex. She refuses to have sex with him because she is grossed out by his toenails and she wouldn't enjoy the sex. If she refused to have sex with him until he bought her a car or something like that, now that would be abusive (and borderline prostitution). But in this case, she's not trading sex for personal gain, she's just withholding sex because she doesn't like having sex with him until he cuts those toenails.

Besides the fact that I think an ultimatum for anything is just wrong as there should be other ways to adress a problem in a relationship, shaving and daily showers are definitely not basic hygiene. Showering daily is bad for your skin and hair, every second day is definitely enough, and there's nothing unhygienic about body hair either.

Oh, don't get me wrong. My display picture is a bit older, but right now I'm rocking a beard. I'm well aware that facial hair is not unhygienic. My comment was mainly in jest. I shower every other day, but wash my hair once every four days or so. Natural oils in your hair are good for you. Teeth brushing is 'basic hygiene', and so is deodorant - not that anti-perspirant crap that clogs your pores, but a natural deodorant. People also naturally have less body odour if they eat right. I've let my toenails get pretty gross in the past, and my wife has said similar things as OP as a joke, because I kept cutting her while doing the deed. Considering this is a FML, I'm guessing something similar happened with OP - either she got cut by his, as my wife calls them, "raptor claws", or they are ridiculously long. I'll concede that ultimatums are a bad idea, though.

Pedicures FTW! Take your guy. He won't go on his own, and might not ever admit he likes it. But I agree. It ruins the mood. Big time. Nice gentle caressing and kissing and then Scrapetty Scrape Scrape *shivers*