Intimacy The pleasure, the pain

The pleasure, the pain

BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Finger wagging

Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

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Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

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SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

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Miscommunication

Anonymous - 25/10/2012 05:45 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

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Nice outing

Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

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Hidden

bootyislife - 16/06/2015 20:01 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

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Anonymous - 28/07/2015 00:08 - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

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man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

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It's getting hot in here…

Anonymous - 17/06/2022 16:00 - New Zealand

Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML

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Snowball

shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

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genius_man16 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:01

She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?

pat2rome 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:08

Her fault for not swallowing. FYL

Bryan_Z 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:37

............I can't believe she hit you....

mexicansweetie48 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:42

lol ouch. fyl. her fault. not urs. dont worry.

lilcuti3pi389 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:46

that sucksss, def her fault.. she shouldve swallowed lol you should aim better tho

strawberry_78 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:49

Not your fault. She should have changed first or swallowed (I'm a girl, for the record)

imbored932 4

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:54

aim for the eyes next time. and part of the bribe should have included swallowing

NoahMPLS 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:58

Always swallow, never spit...spitting is a waste :)

Diligent17 4

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:58

Wow, she shoulda remember the consequences before had. You don't wear good clothes when you know your gonna get dirty. There is something called "Change your clothes!"

Daaniellee1234 8

Thursday 25 June 2009 0:00

Well is was kinda your fault.

withered 30

Thursday 4 August 2016 15:22

#37 Exactly. Not only does this idiot need a bribe to behave decently he was such a prick he came on her dress. He could have easily used some tissues or even a condom to finish. But no, he decided to be a ********. I really wonder how desperate some people are that they end up in a relationship with someone like OP.

Ever69 3

Thursday 25 June 2009 0:01

Wow it was her own fault she shouldn't have had her dress on. If I were you I would be the biggest dick to her parents. Tell here to learn how to swallow then her dress would have been just fine.