Intimacy The pleasure, the pain

The pleasure, the pain

BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Finger wagging

Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

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Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

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SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

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Miscommunication

Anonymous - 25/10/2012 05:45 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

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Nice outing

Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

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Hidden

bootyislife - 16/06/2015 20:01 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

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Anonymous - 28/07/2015 00:08 - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

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man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

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It's getting hot in here…

Anonymous - 17/06/2022 16:00 - New Zealand

Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML

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Snowball

shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

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genius_man16 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:01

She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?

pat2rome 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:08

Her fault for not swallowing. FYL

markssh 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 4:30

FYL. Bitch should have swallowed.

SusanaSaysRawrxD 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 4:57

YDI for the simple fact that you had to be bribed. -_-" and why does every guy think girls should swallow? Swallow it yourself >_> and YDI for bad aim. o_O

graphicstyle7 17

Thursday 25 June 2009 5:28

your girlfriend is a bitch. she must be hot.

Delmar_fml 2

Thursday 25 June 2009 5:35

Love spits, true love swallows. I guess we know where you stant

waxstigmata 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 5:51

you must be a total dick for her to have to "bribe you" with a bj to act right in from of her parents in the first place YDI

CruelSirDrum 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 6:03

thats her fault. does she not know deal works? also, i wouldnt be with a girl that hits a guy there.im assuming you guys are young and thats still funny though.my advice; get a new girlfriend.

PrayerPolice 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 6:13

"I was returning some pants. I took a short cut in a subway tunnel and fell in some mud, ruining my pants. The very pants I was returning."

pete275 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 6:19

totally her fault (unless she swallows and you missed)

AliceInUnderland 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 6:23

If she had swallowed this would have never happened. Her fault. The end. Besides, any girl who's willing to punch their boyfriend in the balls deserves to die alone.

wobster109 1

Thursday 25 June 2009 6:27

It is only common courtesy to behave in front of your girlfriend's parents. If you're the kind of person who a girl would need to bribe to behave, then you definitely deserved it.