The Top

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By avanti - 24/04/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 673

You deserved it 7 941

By SadBride - 08/09/2015 00:39 - United States

Today, my in-laws decided they were going to stay an extra week during our vacation to Dominican Republic next year. This would be fine, if we weren't travelling for our destination wedding, and the extra week wasn't our honeymoon. They are literally joining us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 384

You deserved it 2 505

By pissed - 17/12/2013 21:17 - United States

Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 134

You deserved it 7 033

By OhDear - 24/02/2011 20:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 901

You deserved it 5 110

By epicc1584 - 30/07/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 176

You deserved it 4 458

By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I felt fairly depressed about being single for the holidays during work. This cute girl came to my register asking about our sales ad. After telling her we had no copies, she asked for my number. I shouted: "Finally, someone wants to go out with me." She wanted the store's number to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 130

You deserved it 49 675

By T.T - 24/08/2010 08:19 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because of an argument about a printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 885

You deserved it 6 127

Unbelievable

By snoozer - 23/03/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I received two withdrawal grades in school for dropping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did so, and he then said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 233

You deserved it 4 700

I just work here

By don't get paid enough for this - 11/07/2015 02:20 - United States - Youngstown

Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 432

You deserved it 2 188

Dog catching strays

By Samantha - 15/06/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I'm three months pregnant. Hours after the father of my baby bought me a wedding ring, he decided to get drunk and tell me that he doesn't see himself with me for the rest of his life, and doesn't really want to get married. Oh and that he hates my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 413

You deserved it 7 668

Judge Judy

By LuvShawn - 27/02/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 435

You deserved it 67 569

Parkour

By burnswhenipee - 08/04/2015 00:47 - Canada - London

Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 213

You deserved it 5 552

Sorry, son

By Waffle - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, a little boy called me, crying that "Grandma died" in a broken voice. I just didn't have the heart to say, "Wrong number." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 128

You deserved it 4 775

By wife - 22/02/2015 03:47 - United States - Oceanside

Today, my husband lost his keys again. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 388

You deserved it 8 709

By maybe? - 11/02/2015 16:11 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 580

You deserved it 4 009

By blackntangirl - 18/07/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 466

You deserved it 14 025

Checked out

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 03:02 - United States - El Cajon

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 001

You deserved it 10 653

Now jog on

By verrine - 19/06/2009 08:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was mugged on my way to the bus stop. With no money or mobile, I started to panic about the exam I had, and ran the 3.5 miles to get to there. When I staggered up to the building only 20 minutes after the exam started, the university staff wouldn't let me sit it as I couldn't prove my identity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 985

You deserved it 3 014

Sir! Sir!

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 387

You deserved it 3 541

By mightymart - 24/07/2012 10:26 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my landlord decided to have people visit my apartment since I'm moving out next month. She had warned me about potential visitors this week but didn't specify when. I work the graveyard shift and apparently the fact that I was sleeping in my room during the visit didn't bother her at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 503

You deserved it 1 902

mightymart tells us more.

mightymart 5

Wednesday 25 July 2012 1:15

I would have stayed awake if she would have called before, not like it happens often

Trial run

By Perdito_Coño - 05/09/2014 20:55 - Australia - Quakers Hill

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 795

You deserved it 7 629

By poisonivyretard - 04/06/2013 17:15 - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 563

You deserved it 52 019

By Fatty Fatty Fatso - 05/05/2013 00:41 - United States - Somers

Today, I learned that my mother counts my jeans as two pairs when she counts how many she's putting in for a load of wash. I've gotten that fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 647

You deserved it 39 117

By Gustav Fjorder - 04/07/2011 07:27 - Switzerland

Today, for breakfast, there were scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, bacon, sausages, fresh bread, croissants, brownies, donuts, fruit smoothie, coffee, tea and orange juice. Too bad no one bothered wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 907

You deserved it 10 350

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 175

You deserved it 9 138

Lookin' good

By scruffy - 10/05/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 048

You deserved it 38 158

By Cody - 30/04/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I got pulled by a cop because I forgot to put my registration sticker on. I get nervous around authority and have nervous shakes. I ripped the registration sticker 3 times trying to put it on. The cop then gave me a ticket for "Improper Equipment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 744

You deserved it 7 059

Don't get it

By Anonymous - 09/05/2015 19:17 - United States - Bristol

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 302

You deserved it 3 344

By wtf - 10/01/2014 16:47 - United States - Delmar

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 068

You deserved it 4 985

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 01:11 - United States

Today, while driving to work in heavy traffic, I got so into the song I was listening to that I tapped my foot on the gas to the beat. I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 732

You deserved it 48 537

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The Top

Today, it's day three of me having unexplained diarrhea that leaves me with such bad gas that it keeps me up at night. Less than a month ago I was complaining to my doctor about having severe chronic constipation. My digestive tract can't seem to make up it's mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 54

Today, I got my period two days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 147

You deserved it 4 128

Today, at the age of 21, I learned that the phrase, “A stitch in time saves nine” is not about traveling back in time and saving nine people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 777

Today, I got called a racist because I refused to sell a woman a bunch of rather large 4-inch goldfish for a 10-gallon aquarium. These fish get 10 inches long and she wanted 20 of them. Essentially, she screamed at me for a half-hour, asking to speak to my manager. I'm the manager. She called corporate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 133

Today, I confessed to my husband that I quoted Lightning McQueen in an interview and got my dream job because of it. He wont stop laughing and telling my friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 127

You deserved it 761

Today, I snuck a snack into a library study hall. One tiny crinkle of the wrapper and every head turned like I’d detonated a siren. I tried to nibble silently, misjudged the crunch, dropped the pack, and it performed an encore. The professor glared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 492