Your everyday life stories

Anonymous - 19/04/2016 02:53 - United States

Today, I was at work for the usual 9-5 and that whole time no one told me that I had a coffee stain on my ass. FML.

TheLostCauseFML - 19/04/2016 02:46 - United States - Kopperl

Today, I had my first sexual encounter for the first time in two years. It would have been great if it wasn't with my Mom in a nightmarish dream. She had a penis. I'm never sleeping again. FML

reallymom?! - 19/04/2016 02:33 - United States - Talladega

Today, two bad things happened. 1, my mom hit an animal with my car that now needs fixing and 2, my dog got run over. FML

sickpuppy - 19/04/2016 02:30 - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, at my nursing home job, I brought my dog in to visit with the residents. I turn my back on her for 10 seconds then turn back in horror to find a resident with dementia feeding her some chocolate. FML

Sophia - 19/04/2016 02:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I visited my grandmother in the hospital. After not seeing me for almost a year because of her cancer, she sees me and says "I wish it was you here, you're the one who deserves it." All of this is because I broke up with my boyfriend that she liked for abusing me.

depressed and lonely - 19/04/2016 02:21 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I beat a guy in Counter Strike, an online game. He didn't take it so well; in fact, he was the owner of a big gaming group. He called upon his powers and got them all to send me hateful comments, telling me to commit suicide. I was depressed, and now it's much worse. FML

Anonymous - 19/04/2016 02:12 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I met my father for the first time. He looks like the kind of guy I'd hate to run into in an alley in broad daylight. fml

Anon - 19/04/2016 02:06 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I realized that sneezing often pleases me more than masturbating does anymore. FML

OnlySkyrimStays - 19/04/2016 01:57 - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, my dog got into next door's garden. This wouldn't be so bad if next door didn't keep chickens. Chickens that are the spawn of Satan that chased my dog into my garden and into the house, spraying chicken shit and shedding feathers everywhere. FML.

yergenferfer - 19/04/2016 01:49 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I thought it'd be hot if my girlfriend woke up to some cunnilingus, let's just say I should have picked a better time of month to try this. FML

Anonymous - 19/04/2016 01:44 - United States - Kalispell

Today I noticed how similar my lips looked to a puckered anus. I began sliding my finger into it to see how much like anal sex it looked. I got a raging boner. FML.

Delirious_Panda - 19/04/2016 01:37 - Australia - Southport

Today, after buying a really cool knife from a convention I got to find out exactly how sharp it was when I took out a large section from my thumb...all while attempting to cut a door into a cardboard box so I could have a play fort. I'm 22. FML

Mewsmash - 19/04/2016 01:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned that my father didn't show up for my birth. Why? He was at a bar, getting wasted. FML

JJ - 19/04/2016 01:19 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I woke up to my dog on my bed with a evil look on his face, I didn't know what it meant, but then I decided to put my slippers on and felt something inside and turns out he pooped in one of them. FML

Midnightpearls - 19/04/2016 01:12 - United States

Today, I sat down to start grading my class's papers, which were in a manila envelope. I opened the envelope to find that it was empty. It was the wrong one. I had thrown out the envelope with the papers three days ago. FML

ThereasonwhyIdie - 19/04/2016 01:12 - United States - Glendale

Today, I told my long-distance friend about the stress of school and getting into a college. He told me "Why not just go to UC Berkeley?". This school is known to deny students with 4.4. He didn't get why it'd be so hard to get into a school that has a 15% acceptance rate. FML

RIP Tilly - 19/04/2016 01:05 - Australia

Today, the cat I have had all my life, and comforted me countless times that i was suicidal, has been stolen, and a picture of her corpse sent to me. I have had that cat 17 years. RIP. FML

MikaykayUnicorn - 19/04/2016 00:58 - United States - Newcastle

Today, I got a text from my ex boyfriend telling me he hopes I get a hamster shoved up my asshole so far I cough up blood. All I asked was for him to delete my number. FML

Dronefml - 19/04/2016 00:48 - United States - Leesburg

Today, I found out that Bluetooth doesn't reach very far. I was flying my $70 minidrone that I bought two days ago, and as I flew it to take some roof pictures as I had done earlier, the Bluetooth connection decided to shit itself. Now I have a $70 roof ornament until I can get a giant ladder. FML

Disturbed by own dreams - 19/04/2016 00:41 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I got extremely aroused from a sex dream I had, that I soaked my underwear. I haven't actually been aroused in ages. Too bad the dream was of Marge Simpson, and then me having sex with a bag of Cheetos afterwards. What the fuck brain.. FML.

cegoldner - 19/04/2016 00:39 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I walked into my dorm and my roommate was in the muddle of getting her ass eaten by her boyfriend . they both just stopped and stared at me . FML

chris - 19/04/2016 00:36 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was in the gym and was looking down at my phone . I was headed towards the locker room . I didn't bother to look up when I was entering the locker room . Turns out I walked into the guys locker room and the football team from my school was there . They werewrestling... naked. FML

youdontsay123456 - 19/04/2016 00:14 - United States - Dallas

Today, while at my friend's house my period decided to come early. While on a white couch and wearing thin pants. FML

Anonymous - 18/04/2016 23:50 - Japan

Today my boss told me if I mess up at work again I'm fired. I have the highest score on evaluations, exams, and inspections of anyone in my office including him. My crime? My sock was inside out and Therefor I did not meet the employ dress code. FML

sammysucks - 18/04/2016 23:46 - United States - Redding

Today, as I was leaving my college class, I kept on getting whistled at and guys were coming up asking for my number. I was feeling really good about myself until I got into my car. Thats when I noticed someone stuck a sign to my back saying "will suck dick for free"

___J11____ - 18/04/2016 23:40 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, I got to work after finishing a long project for school and found out seven people didn't show up. I work at a grocery store, so the five of us were backed up on the busiest day I've seen while working. FML

kolby12309 - 18/04/2016 23:39 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I ended up walking in front of a group of guys talking about graphic anal. Every time I sped up, they would walk faster, and they wouldnt pass me. FML

Being a twin sucks - 18/04/2016 23:39 - United States - Oak Creek

Today, my twin sister and I had just gotten out of Walmart when I asked her to give me my soda she chuckled and handed it over. It blew up in my face, she had slipped Mentos into it. FML

VBD - 18/04/2016 23:39 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after weeks of staying inside all day I was invited to go play baseball with my friends. When I arrived no one was there. They all ditched me to go play football and no one told me till after the game finished. FML.

dontgattago - 18/04/2016 23:00 - United States

Today, I've been in the clinic lobby for an hour waiting for my bladder to fill enough for the drug test that I didn't know I'd be doing today. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML

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Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

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Today, a guy I've been dating for a year asked me to meet him for dinner and a couple of drinks. After dinner, he confessed that he's been seeing another woman and has decided he wants to seek a relationship with her. He then told me how sex with me is great, but he didn't want me to continue being "the other woman." FML

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Today, travelling in China, I was told to write a wish on a ribbon attached to a stone, and then throw it into a tree. The higher the wish lands, the greater the chance that it’ll come true. My wish landed in a trashcan. FML

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Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML

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Today, I, a forty year-old man, went to the store with my teenage daughter and infant son. I got some very dirty looks. FML

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