Your everyday life stories

lonely in ISS - 19/04/2016 13:21 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given 3 days of ISS for getting water from the fountain, because I didn't have a pass for it. I did, however, have a pass for the bathroom literally next to the water fountain. FML

DisgruntledCashier - 19/04/2016 13:15 - United States - Coal City

Today, on my first day of 8 consecutive 16-hour days in a row, I had to listen to a schizophrenic woman tell me how doctors stuck a tube up her vagina and her husband could feel it when he penetrated her with his monster cock. It took about 3 minutes, and I made 45 cents to listen to her story. FML.

Nomosexcapades - 19/04/2016 13:03 - United States - Fredonia

Today, my dad waved at me from his riding mower, this would've been pleasant except I had my girlfriend bent over the couch (in front of the window) thrusting deeply... I finished, screaming over her, still watching my dad mow the lawn. FML

Anonymous - 19/04/2016 12:53

Today, I woke up for university. I drove all the way to my first class, and then realized that I had today off. I am currently driving for 45 minutes back home. FML

Anonymous - 19/04/2016 12:52 - United States - Benson

Today, as I was using the bathroom, I went to wipe and my engagement ring fell off of my finger and into the toilet. FML

I Guess I Don't Need My Foot Anyway - 19/04/2016 12:48 - United States - Bronx

Today, the school nurse told me that I have to carry my 20+ pound backpack around myself even though I was told by the doctor that putting any extra weight on my injured leg can cut off circulation and land me in the ER. If it's not treated fast enough, I could lose my foot. I'm even in a cast. FML

BigDub15 - 19/04/2016 12:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while remoting into my work computer from home, I decided to play some hard rap to wake myself up. However no sound seemed to be coming from my speakers. I then discovered, when my boss called me shortly after asking me to turn off the rap, that my music was playing at work. FML

work_while_bent - 19/04/2016 12:16 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today my work turned several employee parking spaces into "Carpool only" parking spaces. I literally just watched 4 cars pull into them and only a single person get out of each car. All this has done is give close parking spaces to people who don't follow the fucking rules. FML.

lovecuteness32 - 19/04/2016 12:04 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, my boss called me to tell me that everyone at my job was getting a raise. Which would have been awesome if the next words out of their mouth wasn't except for you. FML

Where are my rights? - 19/04/2016 11:55 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, I found out my boyfriend's brother is in £1,655.00 worth of debt and a debt collector is going to take the money's worth out of the house that myself, my boyfriend and his mother pay for. His brother doesn't even live there or have a job. They've a warrant and we've no say in the matter. FML

Anonymous - 19/04/2016 11:48 - United States

Today I was grounded beacuse I didint give blood at a blood drive. My dad cussed me out and said Im an embarrassment. I didint give blood beacuse I have Hemophilia. They know this. FML

imsogoddambored - 19/04/2016 11:41 - Australia - Aspendale

Today, I finally got an amazing looking girls number. I managed to lose it within 20 minutes, before I got my phone charged. FML

JustGayNotSatan - 19/04/2016 11:30 - Australia

Today, I was kickd out of my parents house and disowned by my family. Why? I brought my boyfriend to a family brunch. Apparently I am letting my family down by being a homosexual. FML.

degreeforwhat - 19/04/2016 11:08 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I finally accepted a job offer after months of looking to no avail. It's to capture data, despite my degree in accounting. I also found out I'm more qualified than the CEO of the company. Fml.

badmom - 19/04/2016 11:02 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, standing in line at the store, my 4 year old loudly exclaimed "FAT, mommy she's so fat!" While pointing at the lady in front of us. Fml.

Nicky13Na - 19/04/2016 10:53 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my mother drove me to tears over the phone. Telling me my fiance will leave me, because I have a mental disorder. This is a weekly event, even though I moved out 6 years ago and I have been living with him ever since. FML

Tony L. - 19/04/2016 10:50 - United States - Cadet

Today, I had to come into work at 6 in the morning. We don't even open until 9. I'm the only one here. FML

anonymoz77 - 19/04/2016 10:19 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, as I walking down the stairs in front of everyone with my crush behind me, I fell... Down the stairs. My crush bent over and thinking that he would help me up I stuck my hand out. Instead he bent over to tell me I split my pants and walked away. FML

Bawsack - 19/04/2016 10:13 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I worked my shift at work. I was meant to finish at 9.30pm but my pissweasel of a colleague didn't turn up for her nightshift so I had to stay. I ended up working 18 hours straight without sleep or a break. My boss called to check I was coming in for my own shift in 7 hours. Um, no. FML.

Anonymous - 19/04/2016 09:49 - Australia

Today, one of the doctors I work for suggested I ask a patient out that is quite friendly with me. I'd love to ask him out but if I do and was found out, I'd lose my job. FML

holamichaela11 - 19/04/2016 09:47 - United States - Washington Court House

Today, it's my birthday, and I'm stuck on the toilet with a trash can on my lap with food poisoning. FML.

zzzzzz - 19/04/2016 09:45 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was so sleep deprived, when I finally took a nap, I dreamt of sleeping in bed. FML

auroxtra - 19/04/2016 09:40 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, while driving, we were nearly hit by another vehicle. I flipped the other driver off when we stepped on the breaks, before continuing to drive; only to watch as he followed us straight into a parking lot and pull up next to us. FML

BitterOldDan - 19/04/2016 09:28 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went and picked up coffee for some of my colleagues at work. Later in the shift I was reprimanded and fired because I left early for coffee break which was a request of my direct supervisor. FML

frediq - 19/04/2016 09:18 - Australia - Wentworthville

Today, while sitting in class I realised I forgot to put my shorts on over my leggings. After class I realised I hadn't fully buttoned up my shirt. I guess that probably explains all the giggling I heard from my students today. FML

Bonerboy - 19/04/2016 08:52 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I stood in front of 15 grown men doing a business recap for the last few months. Recently around the office there has been propaganda that I'm into gay erotica. My wife didn't exactly help when she sent me a nude just before the meeting for "encouragement". They noticed my raging boner. FML.

spbb223 - 19/04/2016 08:05 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant, even though I'm on birth control and my boyfriend and I always use condoms. Fml.

Anonymous - 19/04/2016 07:47 - United States

Today, I am thoroughly convinced that I found my soulmate...2 years into my marriage. FML

dontdrink - 19/04/2016 07:37 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I found out that last night me and my sister had got so drunk at a friends party that we had apparently made out with each other. Good news is neither of us remember anything. Bad news is that someone took a picture and half our school has it. FML.

GettingFitisHopeless - 19/04/2016 07:27 - United States - Sleepy Eye

Today, I decided to go on the treadmill after ignoring physical activity for months. 10 minutes in, my Dad comes and yells at me because the treadmill is "too loud", and he's trying to watch his show. I guess my lifestyle won't be changing today. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was sitting in the lecture hall. A girl walked by to get to her seat and her dress got caught on the handles, lifting it up. She didn't notice but I did, so I tried to take it off the handles. She turned around to see me holding her dress up. FML

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Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

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Today, my boyfriend admitted that he stopped brushing his teeth two days after we started dating. Tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary. FML

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Today, I knew it was going to be a fun day when I woke up to find that my kids' new puppy had died in the night. FML

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Today, on my long-awaited vacation, I got a phone call from my sister. Her childhood friend died. She bawled on the phone, and my plans were ruined. My husband said it was selfish of her to do such a thing when she knew we were on vacation, so she ramped up the drama times ten. She and her friend used to bully me. FML

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Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

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