Your everyday life stories

Anonymous - 18/04/2016 02:42 - United States - Springfield

Today, I have a speech impediment as a result of being born (in Missouri) 3 months early. Tomorrow, I am moving, which will start the conversations of "What country do you come from?" all over again. FML

cats - 18/04/2016 02:36 - United States - New Berlin

Today, my cat was walking over my face and slipped. His bare ass landed straight on my mouth. FML

Anonymous - 18/04/2016 02:22 - United States - Massapequa

Today, I overheard my "dad" talking on the phone. He said "We will tell [my name] he's adopted when he's ready!" I'm 18. FML

Emperor_416 - 18/04/2016 02:21 - United States - Bensalem

Today, marks the 4th day since I got my wisdom teeth removed. It also marks the day before I have a very important job interview. My face is still very swollen and bruised. I'm going to have to go to this interview looking like a fucking snapchat filter. FML

Mintilou - 18/04/2016 02:20 - United Kingdom - Iver

Today, I went climbing with my boyfriend. As I was lowering him down however, my entire braid (so my hair doesn't get caught) got stuck in the belay device, while my 14 stone boyfriend dangled 15 feet in the air. I couldn't decide which would be worse, dropping him or ripping out all my hair. FML

stressedoutstudent - 18/04/2016 02:19 - United States - Neptune

Today, I realized that no matter what decision I make about which college I want to go to.. I'll be disappointing someone in my family. Either my parents or my older sister who happens to be my best friend. FML

Anonymous - 18/04/2016 02:16 - Guam - Hagatna

Today, I found out that my birth control drastically changed my menstrual cycle. I now have a very light period for three weeks out of the month instead of a normal period for one. FML.

HollyQuinn - 18/04/2016 02:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. His 15 year old brother walked in unannounced and openly stared at my naked boobs. FML

irrigation - 18/04/2016 01:57 - United States - Gillette

Today, while digging a hole at work, I found a water line with my pickaxe. FML

I didn't think it was that bad... - 18/04/2016 01:53 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, I finally realized why my family won't acknowledge I'm related to them, and why when out in public people I know look down and pretend they don't know me. Apparently I have such horrible luck, that they're worried that "my bad luck will curse them". FML

maybeEzraKoenig - 18/04/2016 01:42 - United States - Waconia

Today, my boyfriend of several years broke up with me. Why? Because we got into an argument about the Oxford Comma. FML

Anonymous - 18/04/2016 01:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today was my first date with a girl that I've liked for months, Everything seemed to be going well until I fell into the toilet while checking my hair on my phone and got stuck, when I got out after 15 minutes she was gone, FML.

puncake55 - 18/04/2016 01:30 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my son's teacher called and told me he didn't do his project, that was worth half his grade, I asked him why and he said he did but he didn't feel like turning it in, he then showed me it. FML

Sanosukeskitten - 18/04/2016 01:30 - United States - Dexter

Today, I had called my mother at four in the morning in a state of panic. I had told her my surgical incision was infected and that I had to go to the hospital. She refused to believe me because I called so early in the morning. The pus and blood begged to differ. FML

Anonymous - 18/04/2016 01:09 - United States

Today, My high school soccer coach told me that that a college scout was coming to watch me play so I should be on my A game.I would have been really happy after the game but my coach didn't let me play a single minute.FML

Anonymous - 18/04/2016 01:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today It has been 11 hours since my husband has been sleeping. He refuses to eat or to tell me what's wrong. The only words he has said to me all day are leave me alone and you are shit. FML

Anon - 18/04/2016 01:05 - India - Bangalore

Today, when I was in the bathroom with my new iPhone reading messages, I had finished with the the toilet and and was going to flush. As I was going to flush the iPhone slipped from my hand and fell in and then it got flushed away. FML

b1tchy - 18/04/2016 00:54 - United States - Pardeeville

Today, my dad twisted my words to make me seem like the bad guy for pointing out my in laws have not been to see us in over a year. FML

Anonymous - 18/04/2016 00:48 - New Zealand - Porirua

Today, I woke up to discover our garage had been broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my car was absolutely covered in egg, which had seeped through every crevice on the car, it got under the boot lid, into the engine bay, through the air conditioning unit, EVERYWHERE. I spent 5 hours cleaning.

hopeykins - 18/04/2016 00:32 - United States - Ashburn

Today, as I have everyday for the past 4 years, woke up on my in-law's couch. I didn't wake up refreshed and relaxed. No, I woke up to the mother-in-law yelling about the food we have for dinner. She wasn't angry, it's just her normal speaking voice. FML

I hate gravity - 18/04/2016 00:10 - United States - Evansville

Today, I was playing with my dog on a hill. Somehow, I managed to fall and roll down the short, yet very steep incline. Not only did this cause a lot of shoulder pain, My leg also managed to fall on the stinger of the wasp on the way down. FML

myEyeHurts - 18/04/2016 00:04 - United States - Albany

Today, my daughter and I were wrestling and she poked me in the eye. This afternoon, the optometrist told me she tore my cornea in two places so now I have to wear a contact lens until it heals. They didn't have prescription free lenses so now I have a headache. FML.

Ohnoezy - 17/04/2016 23:32 - United States - Parlin

Today, I have a really bad stomach virus. I couldn't eat anything, so I decided to try my mom's fruit juice that helps with the virus. Well, now I can say I have a stomach virus and explosive diarrea. Thanks for putting laxatives in the juice mom. FML

abcombi - 17/04/2016 23:15 - United States - San Diego

Today, I fell asleep after reading my book, it was late at night when I awoke to the vacuum next to my bed. My boyfriend found it funny to use the vacuum tube to vacuum my lips while I slept. We have a cat. You can only imagine the things ive had to vacuumed up. FML.

jim - 17/04/2016 23:15 - United States - Bronx

Today, a kid came up to me at a park asked me if I'd hold his action figure. He then started fake crying and screamed, "MOMMY!! HE TOOK MY HULK FIGURE!!" How do 4-year olds come up with this stuff? FML

xorenae - 17/04/2016 23:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I drove an hour and half to adopt a hamster I saw on Craigslist. Three hours and $50 later I finally got home and opened the cage, no hamster. FML

revolutionbabe - 17/04/2016 22:55 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out that my fiance of 3 years has been cheating on me with another woman, resulted in a baby, an abortion of said baby and the woman rubbing it in my face that she was fucking him. Today was not a good day. FML

Anonymous - 17/04/2016 22:35 - United States - Newville

Today, for the third time, my mom pointed out the black section of hair under my bangs at dinner and asked 'when I did that.' My mom is aware that I had trichotillomania for a few years and don't like talking about it, but she can't seem to figure out that's why my hair grows in so dark there. FML

Anonymous - 17/04/2016 22:31 - United States

Today, I went to hang out with some friends for the first time in a long time. I was excited, and we decided to go to a family fun center. Not two hours into our night, I tried the hammer strength game. I am now nursing a bruised, and possibly broken nose because it decided to hit back. FML

classicate - 17/04/2016 22:30 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my period. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my sister-in-law announced she would like me to be her surrogate, so that her body doesn't look like a stretched wobbly mess after childbirth. Apparently, I'm a perfect candidate, as "we won't see a difference." FML

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Today, I finally quit my job after talking with a friend about making our own design/multimedia company. While I was on my way to his house, he called me and told me not to quit because he got an awesome job offer and couldn't refuse. FML

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Today, I found myself cussing out the next dipshit fucked in the head enough to open its bitch mouth and mumble to itself about how I was the newest main stressor of it’s bitch-fit of a day. Taking into account the pathetic aspect of “rubbing it in” I then proceeded to cuss out the next person who got in my way. FML

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Today, I got divorce papers from my wife, who was a former adult entertainment performer. Perhaps foolishly, I tried to get her to accept Jesus and become a Christian, which she eventually did. Now she is divorcing me for "being married to a former porn star." FML

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Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML

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Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

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