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Orbinv's favorite FMLs

By offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

agreeclassic 267 597

vote type 1 90 937

By Anonymous - 27/03/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, I kissed a boy I have liked since the first day of university. I was thrilled until he followed it with, "Right, I don't think we should tell anyone this happened. Not that they'd believe it anyway." He then patted my ass and walked away. FML

agreeclassic 42 161

vote type 1 4 673

By Anonymous - 26/03/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML

agreeclassic 35 865

vote type 1 17 436

By omg - 25/03/2011 00:43 - Canada

Today, I got a call from my 8 year-old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

agreeclassic 55 643

vote type 1 8 729

Is this a joke?

By phantomdriver - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge… while we were crossing a river. FML

agreeclassic 45 617

vote type 1 3 686