laurencabbage

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Laurencabbage's favorite FMLs

By Mike - 21/03/2009 15:38 - United States

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

agreeclassic 236 847

vote type 1 31 386

Huge fan

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Acworth

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair in a way that it looks like Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

agreeclassic 67 910

vote type 1 10 450

By halliemarie1818 - 24/04/2013 02:01 - United States

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

agreeclassic 88 547

vote type 1 4 677

By ak_6694 - 02/04/2013 13:34 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

agreeclassic 37 179

vote type 1 2 551

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Wednesday 3 April 2013 14:45

Would love to ban her, but she puts into a machine in an hour what I earn behind the bar in 8, so they won't ban her anytime soon. And they don't have to pay the machine wages or anything; it's a little depressing to know the welfare and common hygiene of my workplace is second to gambling revenue. -OP

By Anonymous - 20/03/2013 02:16 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

agreeclassic 51 129

vote type 1 3 063