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Nousernamhere's favorite FMLs

By vibratorgirl - 08/03/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML

agreeclassic 23 111

vote type 1 73 937

By Anonymous - 13/02/2014 15:47 - United States - Kennett

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

agreeclassic 35 537

vote type 1 53 141

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By Anonymous - 08/02/2014 18:49 - United States

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

agreeclassic 55 799

vote type 1 11 087

By meganmagee - 16/09/2013 18:47 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

agreeclassic 50 496

vote type 1 9 342

meganmagee app_comment_confession_title

meganmagee 11

Wednesday 18 September 2013 1:35

After maxing out our credit card on a salt water tank, Mr. Shelly has a permanent home here with Megan, Tony, and Ansleigh Magee.

Almost done

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 04:59 - Canada

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick." One more year… FML

agreeclassic 70 621

vote type 1 3 453