toasty_narwals

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Middle of a cornfield, Illinois, United States
29 years-old
Wednesday 28 February 1996
couple

A propos de Toasty_narwals

About me: ~5' 1" ~green eyes ~born on leap year (I don't know why my birth date keeps getting changed) ~agnostic ~pro-choice ~feminist and equalist ~LGBTQ ally - love=love ~cat lady - her name is Waffles and she's a little angel :3 ~cosmetologist - graduated in May 2015 ~ I have an amazing boyfriend * together since January 19th, 2013 *

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Toasty_narwals's favorite FMLs

By Purplexus - 02/01/2014 14:13 - Turkey - Ankara

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

agreeclassic 53 367

vote type 1 5 385

Purplexus app_comment_confession_title

Purplexus 14

Thursday 2 January 2014 19:01

Yes, this was my FML. Yeah, my dad is an awesome professor. Does anyone have any questions haha

By and she doesn't even give bjs - 09/02/2013 00:44 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML

agreeclassic 37 277

vote type 1 5 239

By stifledbyyou - 12/12/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML

agreeclassic 36 336

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By Illinoisgirl - 14/02/2012 14:29 - Hungary

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

agreeclassic 40 259

vote type 1 3 054

The Crank

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, the closest I came to doing something that could be vaguely construed as "constructive" was wanking and crying. Sometimes simultaneously. FML

agreeclassic 13 431

vote type 1 28 752