qwertyourface

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Qwertyourface's favorite FMLs

Sweet talker

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 22:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

agreeclassic 56 114

vote type 1 7 275

Box this!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Guelph

Today, a woman started giving me grief because we didn't have any Boxing Day sales. As I explained to her that dollar stores don't usually have sales, she tried to lamp me. It ended by her getting dragged out of the store. FML

agreeclassic 38 121

vote type 1 2 859

By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 21:06 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

agreeclassic 57 116

vote type 1 11 035

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but in fact, it wasn’t her. FML

agreeclassic 299

vote type 1 274

WTF, dude?

By NNTA - 26/12/2013 23:21 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML

agreeclassic 44 378

vote type 1 4 533