neverlyever

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Statesboro, Georgia
35 years-old
Tuesday 15 May 1990
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Neverlyever's favorite FMLs

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

agreeclassic 800

vote type 1 1 942

By cupcakelady127 - 23/03/2011 11:25 - United States

Today, I got into a wreck thanks to a big flashing sign on the highway that said, "Keep your eyes on the road" that distracted me. FML

agreeclassic 35 296

vote type 1 17 187

By Kim - 22/03/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, at work I had to convince an 80 year-old mental patient that she's not Ke$ha and that she really has to put her clothes back on. FML

agreeclassic 52 793

vote type 1 4 882

Rewarding

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

agreeclassic 79 536

vote type 1 17 531

By failureparent - 21/03/2011 01:25 - United States

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

agreeclassic 39 855

vote type 1 54 649