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Clapfire's favorite FMLs

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

agreeclassic 71 150

vote type 1 3 576

Spooky

By amidreaming?? - 11/06/2012 21:45 - United Kingdom - Bushey

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

agreeclassic 30 996

vote type 1 3 938

By SeeingLlamas - 17/04/2012 09:38 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

agreeclassic 37 136

vote type 1 3 094

Potterheads, man…

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 02:06 - France

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

agreeclassic 16 826

vote type 1 62 108

By anniemeece - 07/04/2012 15:15 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to put my bra on. FML

agreeclassic 28 471

vote type 1 7 773

anniemeece app_comment_confession_title

anniemeece 23

Saturday 7 April 2012 23:14

Wow, I can't believe this actually got published! :O Okay, most of the questions are how: it's a sports bra. I hooked it in the back, and as I was adjusting the front so that it, ahem, fully encompassed everything and that the straps weren't twisted, my hand slipped as I was pulling up the front, and with the power of the elastic, hit myself in the mouth. I know, it was pretty silly.