awkwardturtley

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Awkwardturtley's favorite FMLs

Hair care

By hairball - 22/04/2009 00:12 - United States

Today, my shower is being renovated so I washed my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year-old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal by accident. FML

agreeclassic 73 831

vote type 1 28 715

Asshats are everywhere

By hardtotell - 22/01/2010 00:45 - United States

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

agreeclassic 56 950

vote type 1 4 494

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

agreeclassic 35 073

vote type 1 7 800

By thelistman - 10/10/2009 01:58 - United States

Today, the traffic court judge didn't believe my three witnesses and two security cameras that proved I was innocent. He claimed a cop would never lie, and that the dashboard security cameras, which the cop brought in, were somehow edited by me. I was fined $1,000 and my license was suspended. FML

agreeclassic 58 379

vote type 1 2 802

thelistman app_comment_confession_title

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Sunday 11 October 2009 13:13

Also, for the whole story, I had three other people in the car with me when I was caught "running a red light" by 2 cops who were both behind me. I was clearly in the middle of the intersection when the light turned yellow. I have a feeling that the judge was in a shitty mood that day. This was my first ticket I've ever received, and I've been driving for seven years. Even if I was guilty, I don't know why my fine was $1,000 with a license suspension when the original ticket was $75, and no other tickets on my record. This judge is going down.

By JPF - 13/08/2009 03:13 - Australia

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

agreeclassic 109 556

vote type 1 5 615