TheFeds

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Thefeds's favorite FMLs

By bushwhacker - 05/03/2015 23:34 - United States - Wichita

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

agreeclassic 29 779

vote type 1 3 315

By sorry :/ - 08/02/2015 18:28 - United States - Monroe Township

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

agreeclassic 38 097

vote type 1 3 012

By Anonymous - 08/02/2015 16:05 - United States

Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

agreeclassic 38 032

vote type 1 2 751

By anon - 03/02/2015 07:50 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML

agreeclassic 17 795

vote type 1 32 953

By bootyislife - 03/02/2015 04:36 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

agreeclassic 45 297

vote type 1 4 995