Jumper11550

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Jumper11550's favorite FMLs

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 05:15 - Australia

Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML

agreeclassic 12 315

vote type 1 43 602

By Kayt - 03/10/2011 04:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML

agreeclassic 42 521

vote type 1 4 662

By therevsev - 02/10/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML

agreeclassic 38 640

vote type 1 5 092

By Anonymous - 25/09/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, I bought a lanyard for my new car keys. "Epic Fail" was printed on it. Not two hours after getting it and putting my keys on it, I locked them in my car. I don't have a spare. FML

agreeclassic 12 356

vote type 1 34 367

By awesomekidsmum - 18/09/2011 01:20 - Canada

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

agreeclassic 35 783

vote type 1 9 143