KyuuketsukiApple

miss

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Sheffield, England, UK
31 years-old
Saturday 17 December 1994
couple

A propos de Kyuuketsukiapple

I haven't used this profile in a while but I'm back-ish. ~~ I'm a biologist who has blue hair and loves cats. I'm friendly, message me :)

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Kyuuketsukiapple's FML badges

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Kyuuketsukiapple's favorite FMLs

By anonymous - 05/09/2012 04:44 - Australia

Today, an unknown number left me a lengthy voicemail of what sounds like two people having sex. This is the closest I've gotten to real-life sex in 2 years. I listened to it three times. FML

agreeclassic 32 229

vote type 1 10 275

Crushed

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 23:08 - United States - Saddle Brook

Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML

agreeclassic 27 496

vote type 1 2 328

Hott

By purple - 24/03/2012 05:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

agreeclassic 33 213

vote type 1 12 438

By dumbasdogshit - 11/08/2012 00:45 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML

agreeclassic 36 810

vote type 1 2 554

Chill zone

By notnicefools - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML

agreeclassic 40 058

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