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By pleasedontyellatme - 20/10/2016 15:19

Today, my parents finally took me driving after months of me having my permit. I got yelled at for asking questions. I only needed to know which way they wanted me to turn on the next street after they told me to turn, but not which way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 123

You deserved it 732

What is wrong with these dudes?

By Anonymous - 01/08/2019 00:01

Today, my boyfriend tried to use his “grief” at the death of a coworker to get butt sex, even though I know for a fact he didn’t like the guy that much, and just last week wished for the guy to get hit by a bus. Pretty despicable way to try get back door access if you ask me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 369

You deserved it 484

By trixieee - 04/08/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend got a text from a "close female friend." The text was of her with no shirt on, and he quickly closed his phone. His explanation was that his female friends just want his opinion on how they look. I don't know what's worse, that there are several, or that he thinks I'm that stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 226

You deserved it 208

By Animeislyfe - 25/08/2015 02:56 - United States - Stockbridge

Today, my dad took my phone away because I "had to be texting while driving in order to wreck my car." I was too ashamed to tell him that a huge bug flew into my face causing me to veer off the road and into a brick mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 196

You deserved it 7 614

By FMyBrain - 06/06/2014 21:26 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 522

You deserved it 6 046

By Magicali - 22/04/2013 02:56 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 338

You deserved it 15 330

Get off my lawn!

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 00:01

Today, my landlord asked me to get rid of the flower boxes I have at the window in the stairwell. Why? Because they are disgusting. Why are they disgusting? Because his cat keeps using them as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 182

By Anonymous - 14/08/2019 14:00

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad came in to ask if I wanted the rest of his cake. I'd made it for my cousin's wedding, and spent 2 days preparing it. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 211

You deserved it 167

By Gray_Kitty - 17/09/2016 19:34 - United States - Omaha

Today, a woman came in to order lunch. She ordered a sandwich then asked for me to configure it precisely to her complicated desires. This took a whole 5 minutes, during the lunch rush. When I told her the cost, she decided it was too expensive and cancelled her order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 754

You deserved it 784

Neverending hell

By SKG95 - 22/08/2019 16:00

Today, I had a flight to Philadelphia, but it got canceled due to bad weather. I booked another, which got delayed. After waiting for almost 12 hours at the airport, I boarded, just to have a super annoying toddler kicking my seat from behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 152

Logic

By thyisnothorses - 29/04/2012 03:55 - United States - Scituate

Today, I was grounded by my mom because I had slept in past 11, when she wanted me to wake up at seven to do chores. According to her logic, I should have seen the note she left on the counter earlier this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 262

You deserved it 3 106

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 13:00

Today, changing the garbage in the bathroom at work resulted in a hospital visit after an incorrectly disposed used needle scraped into my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 105

You deserved it 225

Here for you

By indefiniteforest - 10/09/2016 04:11 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my best friend texted me and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. Trying to be supportive, I sent a long message about how he never deserved her and that I was there for her if she needed someone to vent to. She replied, "Are you high?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 062

You deserved it 1 152

Fancy seeing you here

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 16:00

Today, I found a massive tick on my boyfriend's ballsack. I found it with my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 229

Remember One Direction stans?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 431

You deserved it 5 814

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 11:00

Today, my hotel room key wouldn't open my door. Maintenance had to come let me in. My giant dildo was out on the table. I'm a 250-pound man, traveling alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 1 417

By cullenthegreat - 25/08/2016 16:26 - United States - Villanova

Today, on my second morning at college, I tried to make coffee using my Keurig. I realized after I got back from my shower that I hadn't put a cup under the machine. All 3 drawers of my dresser are now filled with coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 081

You deserved it 8 485

By Justcan'twin - 09/10/2017 16:45

Today, at 5:30 on a Sunday, I noticed my tire had a bubble in it. I found a tire shop 15 minutes away that would be closing at 6pm and made it there in time, but the shop had closed early. I left to try and make it to the next one and had a blow out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 594

You deserved it 311

Conflict Resolution

By FML Approved - 06/10/2017 03:00

This is basically me during every conflict I've ever witnessed.

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 113

Sharing is caring

By Cirese Summerrose - 21/09/2019 18:00

Today, I found out I have herpes. I'm 9 months pregnant and have only been with my husband. It just so happens that our roommate just got over herpes. I thought they were just spending time together, bonding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 326

You deserved it 285

By charmed - 12/08/2016 08:53

Today, after being single for over five years, I was chatted up at the airport. Sadly, Prince Charming was a homeless guy who had very strong body odour, soiled trousers, a can of cheap beer and bugs in his dreads. He kissed my hand. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 306

You deserved it 1 940

By severely late.... again! - 26/10/2017 22:56

Today, as I got on the bus to commute to work, its front right tire exploded. Everyone, including the driver, glared at me while getting off. The next bus arrives in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 991

You deserved it 271

Relax!

By still sore - 12/10/2019 19:00

Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 912

You deserved it 227

Christmas is canceled

By Virginia6810 - 14/10/2019 02:00

Today, I got an email that my Amazon account was probably hacked, and they have gone ahead and canceled all orders that seemed suspicious. Two days ago I was celebrating that I'd finished Christmas shopping early. Never mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 168

It's a pretty good response, though

By angrymom - 04/06/2021 01:59

Today, I got a call from my son’s teacher. Apparently, while doing a test, he responded to the question, "Predict how the government will change in the next ten years" with, "I’m not psychic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 170

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 01:31 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 898

You deserved it 7 661

Bon appetit!

By Fattie - 28/10/2019 06:00

Today, I'm on a diet. I was compelled to start it when the only pet name my boyfriend could think of for me yesterday was, "My baby elephant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 605

You deserved it 292

By stupidteacher - 05/07/2016 15:02 - China - Guiyang

Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 405

You deserved it 966

Toxic waste

By Anonymous - 02/09/2022 06:00 - Europe

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at a lake. I felt my stomach rumble and knew I couldn’t make it to shore, so I dropped into the water and had violently diarrhea in the water. It started to bubble, and so I started splashing around, saying, “It’s cold” while she swam around me, in my shit water. I’ve never told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 464

Beady eye

By Anonymous - 16/11/2019 18:00

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 2 260

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The Top

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 487

You deserved it 6 728

Today, my 14 year-old daughter threatened to run away. Why? We live in southern Arizona. In the last week, she's found a dead tarantula and a live scorpion in her bedroom. In a couple of weeks it will be rattlesnake season. She's not liking the desert much anymore, where even the plants want to hurt you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 499

Today, I went to Lidl to buy the cheapest jaffa cakes I could. They cost 35p. When I was eating them later on I put the plastic wrapper onto the side. When I'd finished eating my jaffa cakes I went to pick up the wrapper... The dog had eaten it. Cost me a £150 vet bill. Most expensive jaffas I've ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 020

You deserved it 8 563

Today, I was lying naked on my boyfriend's bed for the first time ever. He glanced at me, then started playing with a Rubik's cube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 629

You deserved it 6 927

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 042

You deserved it 4 952

Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 150