Bon appetit!

Fattie - 28/10/2019 06:00

Today, I'm on a diet. I was compelled to start it when the only pet name my boyfriend could think of for me yesterday was, "My baby elephant." FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Glutton - 28/01/2010 01:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

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Pita - 04/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

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Early learner

Courtney Micallef - 02/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was teaching my one year-old some new words. He pointed to the picture of a pig and said, "Mama". Guess I better start that diet. FML

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Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

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You do you

JesstheMess - 21/02/2025 17:00 - United States - Albertville

Today, dieting is making me depressed and I'm so hungry. I don't even care about losing weight, but my boyfriend is and he's doing a low fat diet with me for my health, so I'm going to do the low calorie thing with him. I also feel like I'm not doing well enough in the gym and it's hurting so bad. FML

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Taking advantage

Stigmamma - 28/06/2020 05:06

Today, after 3 months of my man claiming he's going to start eating better "next week", he finally went on a diet. What changed? I started eating healthy while trying for a baby. He is "supporting me" by getting me to do extra meal prep for him too. FML

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Milkmaid

Heifer - 16/05/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

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Voltron - 11/01/2012 00:37 - United States

Today, I have to go on a diet, because I can't afford to buy bigger clothes. FML

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Anonymous - 14/10/2013 18:19 - United States - El Paso

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

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Anonymous - 19/06/2019 00:04

Today, for the third time, my boyfriend called his dog by my name. FML

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Ashamed_Sister 60

Monday 28 October 2019 7:21

Since you're a man he could have tried to compliment you for your elephant-like trunk...

manb91gb 15

Monday 28 October 2019 9:32

****! You beat me to it!

Ashamed_Sister 60

Monday 28 October 2019 7:21

Since you're a man he could have tried to compliment you for your elephant-like trunk...

manb91gb 15

Monday 28 October 2019 9:32

****! You beat me to it!

elle0000 13

Monday 28 October 2019 11:30

Could be worse, he could have said “my white elephant”

mfranks19891989 10

Monday 28 October 2019 13:56

Hi baby Elephant!

JackWood 20

Tuesday 29 October 2019 3:02

You should have said "That's Daddy elephant to you!"

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, as this is the real world, I accept that my guy likes me partly for my fit (and I think nice) body, so I accept him saying the one thing nicer than my body is me nude with another woman. So his B-day gift was me and a mutual lady friend in some joint nude pics. However, I do mind these pics turning me on more than my guy does. FML

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Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

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Today, I was mowing my lawn and it had a dry looking dog turd. I figured I'd be able to mow it easily into the grass bag as dust. Instead, it still had enough moisture to splatter into clumps. Including a couple that went up my left nostril. FML

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Today, I cleaned my entire house. Ready for a fresh finishing touch in the bedroom, I grabbed the Febreze and lightly sprayed over my clean bedding, carpeting, and clothing. Then a pungent odor hit me. It seems someone forgot to label the bottle when they filled it with vinegar instead. FML

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Today, I told my mom that I got into National Honor Society and Beta Club. Most parents are proud but not her. She told me to get a job and that she was tired of my school shit. FML

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Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

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