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By kiwibadja - 09/12/2016 15:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I thought it would be a nice idea to take some flowers and candy to a friend whose cat had just passed away. As I was leaving, I ran over her other cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 359

You deserved it 1 885

By Yudith - 04/06/2019 02:00

Today, at work, a customer pulled down her pants and lifted her sweater to reveal a hole in her chest full of greenish, stinky goo. I don't work in anything health-related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 193

You deserved it 130

It wasn't a prank, I swear

By Anonymous - 01/10/2015 06:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my friend to come sit next to me in class. I pulled out the chair next to me. Coincidentally, she started to sit at that same moment. Now both she and my teacher are convinced I did it on purpose, and they want to have a talk with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 489

You deserved it 2 436

By _sourdiesel7 - 10/11/2016 23:39 - United States - Vienna

Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 446

You deserved it 858

By Anonymous - 19/10/2016 10:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, during my shift as a vet nurse, I picked up a gorgeous cat for cuddles, only to discover it was covered with pee. And now I am too. I still have 4 hours of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 451

You deserved it 2 500

By girl on fire - 03/09/2015 00:32

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 435

You deserved it 2 726

By smart move there - 16/05/2012 16:10 - Ireland - Naas

Spicy

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 622

You deserved it 5 082

By Shelling Ford - 25/08/2015 11:55 - Germany - Munich

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 280

You deserved it 3 325

By wendtinmypants - 31/05/2014 15:05 - United States - Omaha

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 927

You deserved it 9 223

By ItnHmn - 16/09/2016 19:58 - United States - Apo

Today, they opened a new firing range behind my housing block. No big deal, except they are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 449

You deserved it 926

Miss Popularity

By eggman 583 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Massapequa

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was, "trying to change her." A week ago I asked her to stop talking to the six guys that have all previously asked her for nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 983

You deserved it 1 286

By Now What - 08/09/2016 17:04 - United States - South Otselic

Today, my boyfriend told me he only loves me sometimes. He explained what days he chooses to love me and what days he doesn't want to. I told him that's not how it works. He disagreed. He's 27. He still doesn't understand why this is a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 887

You deserved it 1 335

Busted

By douchetard - 26/03/2009 07:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 580

You deserved it 134 778

By Felinefine - 15/08/2016 19:33 - United Kingdom - South Petherton

Today, after changing and dressing my 6-month-old into his super cute brand new outfit, I saw the telltale sign of him about to vomit. Without thinking, I cup my hand under his mouth and catch it all. I had to sit there with a hand full of puke and nowhere to dump it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 917

You deserved it 2 521

Busted

By Stacy - 21/03/2009 00:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 829

You deserved it 121 932

By Singleforever - 08/08/2016 12:40 - United States - West Hartford

Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 147

You deserved it 1 230

By OiVey - 01/11/2017 18:30 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, I found out that I've been taking the wrong math class all semester. We're only a few weeks from finals and I have no drops left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 320

You deserved it 1 576

By ApplePie1994 - 18/07/2016 17:55 - Ireland

Today, my father came downstairs, wearing my mother's dressing gown. It didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 308

You deserved it 1 202

ApplePie1994 tells us more.

ApplePie1994 27

Tuesday 19 July 2016 15:00

OP, here. It was his stomach that didn't fit, you nasty. The dressing gown was pink, with butterflies embroidered on the breast. He looked absolutely fabulous, darlings.

By Anonymous - 26/12/2017 06:00

Today, I learned that my husband is attracted to obese, unhealthy women after celebrating my weight loss of 175lbs and improving my overall health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 299

You deserved it 435

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 21:22

Today, I got pulled over and was given a ticket because my exhaust was too loud. I got this ticket while on my way to get said exhaust fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 313

You deserved it 1 018

By sickofthisshit - 02/07/2016 16:43 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 260

You deserved it 1 031

By Angsty_Armadillo - 28/06/2016 09:36 - United States - Essex

Today, while trying to go to sleep, I could hear snoring from my boyfriend's side of the bed. I'm not sure who was louder, him or the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 282

You deserved it 960

Angsty_Armadillo tells us more.

Angsty_Armadillo 25

Wednesday 29 June 2016 4:41

Holy crow after 7 years I finally get posted! Even though it was on an email I never use.. But I thought I would share a little somethin somethin with you guys. I have tried ear plugs but they cause blockage in my ears. Also to the people who say I shouldn't let the dog sleep with us. Have you tried keeping a 1 year old pit with seperation anxiety in a kennel or simply out of the room? You can pick up the tattered remains of my living room. It's just one of those things you gotta deal with when you have a SO and a dog that snorts loud even when awake. PS I snore loud as **** too my boyfriend is just a heavier sleeper! :D

Fellas, is it gay to drink Mountain Dew?

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 18:01

Spicy

Today, I was lying in bed when my sister came home. She had a Mountain Dew, so of course I asked for some. She then told me she just sucked dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 456

By dancingqueef - 22/06/2016 02:39 - United States - Kingston

Today, my mom told me to break a leg before performing in my dancing school's show. I really did break part of my leg while performing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 773

You deserved it 1 199

By Anonymous - 14/06/2016 02:39 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, on a first date, he told me I look like his ex's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 257

You deserved it 959

By Anonymous - 11/04/2018 15:00

Today, I found the special needle I needed yesterday for a school biology project. I found it by walking around barefoot at 5 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 878

You deserved it 872

By shecrieseverytimeIremindher - 07/06/2016 22:29 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I looked at the revenue from my Etsy shop. After hours and hours of hard work, I was ecstatic to find that I made about $560 so far. That is, until I remembered that it all went to my mom's bank account and I paid all the fees out of my own pocket. And yes, she won't give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 800

You deserved it 1 666

By anonymous - 06/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 687

You deserved it 32 315

Amityville

By bumpinthenight - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, I was painting my new house when my neighbor introduced himself. Mid-conversation, he said, "The lady who lived here was nice, but just couldn't get over her husband hanging himself in the garage. Or her son shooting himself in the basement." I'll never sleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 425

You deserved it 441

Make it stop

By kids are meh - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I told my cousin it would be okay if he stayed the weekend after a fight with his wife. He didn't tell me he was bringing his 4 kids. They've watched funny cat videos for hours and they laugh like maniacs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 487

You deserved it 1 470

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Keywords

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Today, my grade school son's teacher came over for a conference. When she sat on our one seater sofa, the upholstery broke, causing her to sink deeper back. My son desperately tried to pull her up and out, while saying to her, "Teacher, NO!!! You have to have a butt as big as my mom's to safely sit in THAT chair!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 160

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 453

You deserved it 4 163

Today, I went on a blind date. It was going well until I brought up my views on politics. He then told me to shut up because women were incapable of intelligent thought. Then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 454

You deserved it 6 568

Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 040

You deserved it 3 892

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 765

You deserved it 6 488

Today, my friend and I were driving to Florida from Michigan. While going through Ohio my car hydroplaned over a puddle on the highway. I ended up hitting the median and my car got wrecked. Not only am I stuck in Ohio with a car that won't work, I got a ticket for $300 for hitting Ohio property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 591

You deserved it 6 542