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By nah - 09/09/2015 19:55 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I started my period. Every time I try to open a tampon, my dog goes crazy thinking it's one of his treats. Now I have to open them with my hair dryer on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 388

You deserved it 2 947

By AAMBC4 - 09/04/2013 10:30 - United States - Jersey City

Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 065

You deserved it 3 879

AAMBC4 tells us more.

AAMBC4 0

Wednesday 10 April 2013 3:40

OP here. Some of these comments crack me up, but thank you for the chuckle. My daughter is the light of my life and truly has a sense of humor and intelligence beyond her short 3 years. I appreciate the support of most and I am happy to have this to share with her as she gets older.

By Drew - 06/03/2013 15:16 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I discovered that the neck injury that my mom has had since last week was planned just as an excuse not to shovel when today's snowstorm came. She has planned on being lazy for over a week now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 021

You deserved it 3 147

Boobaloo

By nerdlette - 15/03/2014 19:34 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 141

You deserved it 4 036

By mariama - 23/01/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, I visited my family. Over the course of 2 hours, my brother punched me, and my mom slapped me across the face after drinking way too much wine. When I started gathering my things to leave, my mom started crying about how I don't visit enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 033

You deserved it 3 126

Sick burn

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 21:07 - Belgium

Today, my mother used climate change as an excuse for not remembering my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 233

You deserved it 2 757

By whyme - 07/02/2012 06:38 - United States

Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 764

You deserved it 2 123

By captainuniverse - 14/05/2016 05:53 - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 140

You deserved it 1 295

By Anonymous - 24/11/2013 18:31 - France

Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 571

You deserved it 4 522

By Awks - 30/11/2012 06:30 - Australia - Bendigo

Today, my grandmother and I turned up to a family function wearing the same outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 041

You deserved it 6 102

Suitor

By PleaseDontBeSerious - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my daughter brought home her new boyfriend. He has a neck tattoo, and his life's dream is to be a professional "beer pong player." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 635

You deserved it 3 659

By handlin - 14/01/2010 06:45 - Mexico

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 016

You deserved it 4 156

Thanks, hun

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, one of my 6 year-old students, who has had intense speech therapy since kindergarten, told me, "I can tell you're hot, because you rolled your sleeves up." I was very pleased with his articulate sentence, until he said, "Your arms are hairy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 680

You deserved it 4 461

By all5fingers - 08/09/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 641

You deserved it 3 250

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, it was my big sister's birthday, and I was told the iPod I ordered her online was not coming due to a mix up. I drove to three different electronic stores before I found the one she wanted. After spending forever in traffic, I came home to find a package on my doorstep. It was her iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 356

You deserved it 4 042

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 20:58 - United States

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 721

You deserved it 3 171

Not a morning person

By vanity113 - 13/06/2013 04:04 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I woke up early to travel to the office headquarters 3.5 hours away for important meetings. After waking up at 5.30am, picking up all my colleagues and driving 40 min out of town, I realised I was wearing my woolen house slippers. They were the only pair of shoes I'd brought on the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 669

You deserved it 9 533

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 04:32 - United States - Sparta

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 619

You deserved it 7 781

Mrs Motivator

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I found out that my friend uses pictures of me to motivate her to work out. They are accompanied by sayings such as, "You don't want to turn out like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 867

You deserved it 5 736

Nice view from up here

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Sweden - Norsborg

Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 965

You deserved it 2 406

By Anonymous - 21/04/2013 05:07 - United States

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 702

You deserved it 7 365

By Anonymous - 02/06/2014 18:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 526

You deserved it 4 578

Curlywurly

By Rai - 24/03/2009 16:11 - Canada

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have at least combed it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 935

You deserved it 6 011

STRANGER DANGER

By justgreat - 28/09/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I was picking up my 10 year-old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 114

You deserved it 3 420

By Anonymous - 23/05/2011 18:12 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job at a small start-up company. Why? The CEO wanted to give a job to one of his former fraternity brothers who is out of work, and they couldn't afford to keep us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 322

You deserved it 2 743

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 13/03/2014 09:34 - Australia

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 499

You deserved it 6 205

By shelbylove115 - 22/02/2013 05:35 - United States - Nevada City

Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 623

You deserved it 35 213

Red tape

By BLAH - 14/02/2012 14:42 - Philippines

Today, after finally returning to my house after over a year overseas, I found that my neighbours built a wall covering the only window in my bedroom. Not only is my room eternally musty and pitch black, but the council won't accept my complaint, because apparently my window was illegally built. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 689

You deserved it 2 366

By Anonymous - 09/04/2015 15:10 - United States

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 677

You deserved it 3 874

By Jake Leiter - 20/03/2016 18:12 - United States - Grantham

Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 035

You deserved it 1 235

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Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 629

You deserved it 50 008

Today, I was outside when a mouse ran toward my feet. There was a wall behind me, so I tried to jump over him. He changed course, and I landed on him. It crunched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 852

You deserved it 8 124

Today, I was diagnosed with exercise-induced asthma. I wanted to be a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 760

You deserved it 184

Today, my whack job of a father told my 8-year-old son that his cat deserves a bullet to the head for being so damn stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 306

You deserved it 1 888

Today, I organized a party, invited a girl I've been secretly in love with for years, as well as a friend of mine who brought along an unknown mate of his. The party was fine, although the unknown mate threw up all over the floor. Now, the girl is dating that unknown mate and is in love with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 369

You deserved it 2 806

Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 542

You deserved it 2 731